Why is it that you don't realize how really far gone you have let yourself go, until you really start paying attention to your body and finally start losing weight and them it smacks you in your face like walking into a brick wall with spiky nails sticking out.
Well, I am so mad about my belly blob. Disgusting I know, but it is all I can think about all day. I hate the feeling when I sit down and I feel the blob, I hate when I run, it jiggles, I hate everything about my stomach and have fantasies about tummy tucks and lipo, but I am going to do this the hard way through diet and exercise. I never realized how many inches I could actually pinch on my stomach until I started paying attention a few months ago. Now that my waist and my arms and my legs have been shrinking, my belly blog is more pronounced.
Anyone else have this problem? I am dreaming of a flat, hard stomach, so I will keep working on my diet.
Had a bad eating day yesterday, when you can say you ate pizza, some fries and some chips in the same day, ouch, it was a rough one, but today is a new day!
Ran 5 miles yesterday and that officially kicked off my training for the Salem wicked half marathon and the Boston 1/2 marathon, trying to decide if I am going to run the goofy in January or not, maybe I will create a poll.
Have to kick off my fundraising for breast cancer, please share any creative idea you have for me for fundraising.
Back to work, this weight loss thing is a full time job.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Belly Blob
Why is it that you don't realize how really far gone you have let yourself go, until you really start paying attention to your body and finally start losing weight and them it smacks you in your face like walking into a brick wall with spiky nails sticking out.
Well, I am so mad about my belly blob. Disgusting I know, but it is all I can think about all day. I hate the feeling when I sit down and I feel the blob, I hate when I run, it jiggles, I hate everything about my stomach and have fantasies about tummy tucks and lipo, but I am going to do this the hard way through diet and exercise. I never realized how many inches I could actually pinch on my stomach until I started paying attention a few months ago. Now that my waist and my arms and my legs have been shrinking, my belly blog is more pronounced.
Anyone else have this problem? I am dreaming of a flat, hard stomach, so I will keep working on my diet.
Had a bad eating day yesterday, when you can say you ate pizza, some fries and some chips in the same day, ouch, it was a rough one, but today is a new day!
Ran 5 miles yesterday and that officially kicked off my training for the Salem wicked half marathon and the Boston 1/2 marathon, trying to decide if I am going to run the goofy in January or not, maybe I will create a poll.
Have to kick off my fundraising for breast cancer, please share any creative idea you have for me for fundraising.
Back to work, this weight loss thing is a full time job.
Well, I am so mad about my belly blob. Disgusting I know, but it is all I can think about all day. I hate the feeling when I sit down and I feel the blob, I hate when I run, it jiggles, I hate everything about my stomach and have fantasies about tummy tucks and lipo, but I am going to do this the hard way through diet and exercise. I never realized how many inches I could actually pinch on my stomach until I started paying attention a few months ago. Now that my waist and my arms and my legs have been shrinking, my belly blog is more pronounced.
Anyone else have this problem? I am dreaming of a flat, hard stomach, so I will keep working on my diet.
Had a bad eating day yesterday, when you can say you ate pizza, some fries and some chips in the same day, ouch, it was a rough one, but today is a new day!
Ran 5 miles yesterday and that officially kicked off my training for the Salem wicked half marathon and the Boston 1/2 marathon, trying to decide if I am going to run the goofy in January or not, maybe I will create a poll.
Have to kick off my fundraising for breast cancer, please share any creative idea you have for me for fundraising.
Back to work, this weight loss thing is a full time job.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
More Recipies
Here are some more recipes, that we have made. I try to cook with all the kids since they are more likely to try it of they have helped to make it.
Zuchinni Pancakes
2-3 zuchinnis shredded
low fat cheese
a few tablespoons of whole wheat flour
olive oil
salt and pepper
scoop of flax and wheat germ
2 eggs
You can really make this with lots of veggies and sweet potatoes, summer squash, eggplant, broccoli, cauliflower, ect.
Shred the zucchinis and press out extra moisture, mix with flour, cheese, salt and pepper, flour, flax and wheat germ and eggs, mix all together. In a pan on medium high heat, put is a swirl of olive oil, they do not need to deep fry. Form small pancakes and fry on either side until brown.
Easy sauce that is good for dipping meat, veggies and pancakes in.
Plain greek yogurt
Fresh basil
Fresh minced garlic
Lemon juice
salt and pepper
Chop basil and minced garlic and mix with a few scoops of greek yogurt to make a delicious side sauce.
You can also substitute herbs, for example if you grill peaches or pineapple for a dessert you could mix with fresh mint and a squirt of honey instead for a delicious topping.
Crunchy Chicken
Chicken tenders
Whole Wheat Panko Crumbs
Eggs
Whole Wheat Flour
salt and pepper
Set up the dipping station, fill one container with whole wheat Flour seasoned with salt and pepper, one with two beaten eggs and one with panko crumbs
Take eat chicken tender and dip in the flour to coat, then the egg, then the panko crumbs. The kids love to do this!!!
Then bake on a sheet in a 375 oven for 20-30 minutes and you have crunchy chicken!!
Sliders
The possibilities are endless for sliders, you can use ground bison, beef, sirloin, chicken or turkey. You can add spinach, onions, peppers, cheeses, tomatoes, shredded broccoli, really anything. This is what we made and they were delicious!
Ground beef 90%
scoop of wheat germ and flax
1 egg
low fat shredded cheddar
spinach
Mix all the ingredients together in a bowl and using a slider make press the tiny burgers into shape. Then grill on a grill pan and serve, easy, simple and yummy.
Get creative!
Home made Mac and Cheese
Cooked whole wheat pasta of your choice.
small pat of kates butter
low fat shredded cheddar cheese
salt and pepper
nutmeg
skim milk
Put the cooked pasta in a baking dish and preheat oven to 375.
In a saucepan, melt the butter, cheese and milk together and season with nutmeg, salt and pepper. When all melted together pour over the pasta, you can top with panko crumbs for a crunchy top and bake for 20 minutes.
Spinach salad and grilled shrimp
shrimp
seasoning of choice, some ideas, old bay, cajun, salt and peppper, ect.
lemon
Spinach
walnuts
dried cranberries
red onions
garlic
olive oil
balsamic
Coast the shrimp in seasoning of choice and grill in a grill pan until cooked and then squeeze fresh lemon juice at the end.
Toss spinach leaves, walnuts, diced red onion and dried cranberries with minced garlic, olive oil and balsamic. Top with the grilled shrimp and enjoy!
Zuchinni Pancakes
2-3 zuchinnis shredded
low fat cheese
a few tablespoons of whole wheat flour
olive oil
salt and pepper
scoop of flax and wheat germ
2 eggs
You can really make this with lots of veggies and sweet potatoes, summer squash, eggplant, broccoli, cauliflower, ect.
Shred the zucchinis and press out extra moisture, mix with flour, cheese, salt and pepper, flour, flax and wheat germ and eggs, mix all together. In a pan on medium high heat, put is a swirl of olive oil, they do not need to deep fry. Form small pancakes and fry on either side until brown.
Easy sauce that is good for dipping meat, veggies and pancakes in.
Plain greek yogurt
Fresh basil
Fresh minced garlic
Lemon juice
salt and pepper
Chop basil and minced garlic and mix with a few scoops of greek yogurt to make a delicious side sauce.
You can also substitute herbs, for example if you grill peaches or pineapple for a dessert you could mix with fresh mint and a squirt of honey instead for a delicious topping.
Crunchy Chicken
Chicken tenders
Whole Wheat Panko Crumbs
Eggs
Whole Wheat Flour
salt and pepper
Set up the dipping station, fill one container with whole wheat Flour seasoned with salt and pepper, one with two beaten eggs and one with panko crumbs
Take eat chicken tender and dip in the flour to coat, then the egg, then the panko crumbs. The kids love to do this!!!
Then bake on a sheet in a 375 oven for 20-30 minutes and you have crunchy chicken!!
Sliders
The possibilities are endless for sliders, you can use ground bison, beef, sirloin, chicken or turkey. You can add spinach, onions, peppers, cheeses, tomatoes, shredded broccoli, really anything. This is what we made and they were delicious!
Ground beef 90%
scoop of wheat germ and flax
1 egg
low fat shredded cheddar
spinach
Mix all the ingredients together in a bowl and using a slider make press the tiny burgers into shape. Then grill on a grill pan and serve, easy, simple and yummy.
Get creative!
Home made Mac and Cheese
Cooked whole wheat pasta of your choice.
small pat of kates butter
low fat shredded cheddar cheese
salt and pepper
nutmeg
skim milk
Put the cooked pasta in a baking dish and preheat oven to 375.
In a saucepan, melt the butter, cheese and milk together and season with nutmeg, salt and pepper. When all melted together pour over the pasta, you can top with panko crumbs for a crunchy top and bake for 20 minutes.
Spinach salad and grilled shrimp
shrimp
seasoning of choice, some ideas, old bay, cajun, salt and peppper, ect.
lemon
Spinach
walnuts
dried cranberries
red onions
garlic
olive oil
balsamic
Coast the shrimp in seasoning of choice and grill in a grill pan until cooked and then squeeze fresh lemon juice at the end.
Toss spinach leaves, walnuts, diced red onion and dried cranberries with minced garlic, olive oil and balsamic. Top with the grilled shrimp and enjoy!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Recipies
Some friends have been asking me for recipes. Where have I been getting them and can I post them. I have to admit that I have loved cooking and food for a long time. I just never realized that I had been eating the wrong way and that it had been hurting me and my family. I love to cook, but have always had an infant or toddler calling, I often did not from pure exhaustion and lack of being an octopus. I have been reading cookbooks and watching food tv for year, so I kind of have a rough idea of lots of recipes in my head. I have to mention that much like my fave chef Rachael Ray, I do not measure so please forgive me when I say a bit of that and a bunch of this or a squirt of that.
I have leaned a lot in the past few weeks. I have learned that my kitchen was so ill equipped for regular cooking. I had no mixing bowls, no storage containers, not enough cooking pans, so I have been shopping a lot the past few weeks, but as I told , my husband, I have not ordered out breakfast or lunch or take out in 3 weeks, that is a huge savings! Anyway, let's go meal by meal with the recipes I have made so far.
A few things I have learned this week, I have to go to the supermarket several times a week. I have to plan my meals so I do not overspend and waste. I need to shop at multiple supermarkets to maximize savings.
I have also learned that every meal needs to be a balance between complex carbs, veggies, fruit, protein and dairy. So for example don't just eat a fried egg, eat it on wheat toast with mushrooms and light cheese with strawberries.
Breakfast
For the kids.
Gabe loves oatmeal, I have been buying the organic microwave packs although my goal is to switch to heating all natural on the stove, I have been adding flax and wheat germ.
Gabe and Bella's love yogurt parfaits. We take Stoneyfield yogurt in a bowl add fresh fruit, flax and wheat germ and top with granola.
Bella and Amelia love egg sandwiches. I take one egg and fry it with Pam and toast a whole wheat English muffin and a slice of organic cheddar cheese and serve.
They also love cheerios and the bunnies organic cereal with fresh fruit.
We have also been making smoothies everyday.
Fresh bananas, vanilla greek yogurt, skim milk, flax and wheat germ and frozen pineapples, blueberries, strawberries have been the faves so far.
For me for breakfast, I have been doing a slice of Ezekiel toast with one egg and one egg white with veggies of some sort, spinach, mushrooms tomatoes, salsa and gucac. So yummy and keeps me full all morning.
Snacks
We have been snacking on fresh fruit, yogurt, seeds, nuts, dried fruit and fresh veggies, will also add popcorn popped plain to the mix.
Lunch
For the kids, it has often been peanut butter and nutella on whole wheat or grilled cheese or english muffin pizzas or dinner leftovers with fresh fruit and yogurt.
For me, I love greek yogurt so I have been doing greek yogurt with fresh fruit and flax and wheat germ and some fresh veggies.
Sometimes, I do leftover dinner.
I have also made a chicken salad and tuna salad to have for quick pitas with tomato and spinach.
Chicken salad
Fresh chicken grilled or roasted and cut into cubes.
Diced celery
Halved red grapes
salt and pepper to taste
herb of choice, basil, thyme, tarragon, chives
Greek yogurt
green apples diced
Sliced almonds or walnuts
Lemon juice
Mix all ingredients to taste. Refrigerate and serve, yummy!
Tuna salad
Same as the above, but with tuna packed in water and add a dash of olive oil and also hot sauce.
Salmon salad
Canned salmon and same as above
Dinner
Waldorf salad side
Diced green apples and red grapes
chives chopped
salt and pepper,
lemon juice
sliced almonds or walnuts
greek yogurt
Mix all together and yum for a week
Greek pasta salad
While wheat spaghetti cooked
Olive oil
salt and pepper
basil
feta cheese
grape tomatoes halved
cucumber diced
feta cheese
green olives
diced red onion
diced walnuts
spinach
dried cranberries
Vinaigrette
oven roasted garlic cloves, olive oil, balsamic vinegar
Toss everything together and enjoy!
Yummiest Pizza
Whole foods whole grain dough
Spinach
walnuts
cranberries
diced red onions
caramelized onions
oven roasted garlic
shredded goat cheese
Bake crust for 15 minutes in 400 oven
Add all ingredients
Bake for 20 more minutes, yum
More to come
I have leaned a lot in the past few weeks. I have learned that my kitchen was so ill equipped for regular cooking. I had no mixing bowls, no storage containers, not enough cooking pans, so I have been shopping a lot the past few weeks, but as I told , my husband, I have not ordered out breakfast or lunch or take out in 3 weeks, that is a huge savings! Anyway, let's go meal by meal with the recipes I have made so far.
A few things I have learned this week, I have to go to the supermarket several times a week. I have to plan my meals so I do not overspend and waste. I need to shop at multiple supermarkets to maximize savings.
I have also learned that every meal needs to be a balance between complex carbs, veggies, fruit, protein and dairy. So for example don't just eat a fried egg, eat it on wheat toast with mushrooms and light cheese with strawberries.
Breakfast
For the kids.
Gabe loves oatmeal, I have been buying the organic microwave packs although my goal is to switch to heating all natural on the stove, I have been adding flax and wheat germ.
Gabe and Bella's love yogurt parfaits. We take Stoneyfield yogurt in a bowl add fresh fruit, flax and wheat germ and top with granola.
Bella and Amelia love egg sandwiches. I take one egg and fry it with Pam and toast a whole wheat English muffin and a slice of organic cheddar cheese and serve.
They also love cheerios and the bunnies organic cereal with fresh fruit.
We have also been making smoothies everyday.
Fresh bananas, vanilla greek yogurt, skim milk, flax and wheat germ and frozen pineapples, blueberries, strawberries have been the faves so far.
For me for breakfast, I have been doing a slice of Ezekiel toast with one egg and one egg white with veggies of some sort, spinach, mushrooms tomatoes, salsa and gucac. So yummy and keeps me full all morning.
Snacks
We have been snacking on fresh fruit, yogurt, seeds, nuts, dried fruit and fresh veggies, will also add popcorn popped plain to the mix.
Lunch
For the kids, it has often been peanut butter and nutella on whole wheat or grilled cheese or english muffin pizzas or dinner leftovers with fresh fruit and yogurt.
For me, I love greek yogurt so I have been doing greek yogurt with fresh fruit and flax and wheat germ and some fresh veggies.
Sometimes, I do leftover dinner.
I have also made a chicken salad and tuna salad to have for quick pitas with tomato and spinach.
Chicken salad
Fresh chicken grilled or roasted and cut into cubes.
Diced celery
Halved red grapes
salt and pepper to taste
herb of choice, basil, thyme, tarragon, chives
Greek yogurt
green apples diced
Sliced almonds or walnuts
Lemon juice
Mix all ingredients to taste. Refrigerate and serve, yummy!
Tuna salad
Same as the above, but with tuna packed in water and add a dash of olive oil and also hot sauce.
Salmon salad
Canned salmon and same as above
Dinner
Waldorf salad side
Diced green apples and red grapes
chives chopped
salt and pepper,
lemon juice
sliced almonds or walnuts
greek yogurt
Mix all together and yum for a week
Greek pasta salad
While wheat spaghetti cooked
Olive oil
salt and pepper
basil
feta cheese
grape tomatoes halved
cucumber diced
feta cheese
green olives
diced red onion
diced walnuts
spinach
dried cranberries
Vinaigrette
oven roasted garlic cloves, olive oil, balsamic vinegar
Toss everything together and enjoy!
Yummiest Pizza
Whole foods whole grain dough
Spinach
walnuts
cranberries
diced red onions
caramelized onions
oven roasted garlic
shredded goat cheese
Bake crust for 15 minutes in 400 oven
Add all ingredients
Bake for 20 more minutes, yum
More to come
Monday, May 17, 2010
The first shot at the Revolution
How do you start a Food Revolution for your family?
First you have to empower yourself with knowledge. My empowerment had started with Jamie Oliver and with the Juice Plus presentation. Next, you have to resolve yourself to change. I hear so many people saying, "Oh, I don't have time" or "Oh it is too much work" and I understand, I used to be like that. However, our children don't have a voice or the power to make the change, they are told to eat what we serve them and we usually do not give them a choice. I decided that I needed to work harder to make those choices real food and healthy options for them.
It has not been easy so far, but it has been rewarding. My kids are enjoying cooking and trying new foods they never have before. Yes, there has been a lot of whining about McDonald's and such, but I have told them we will make our own healthy version of a McDonald's happy meal together!
How did I actually go through the process in my house?
I went to the book store looking for some books about nutrition and cooking books for healthy whole food eating and I found The Eating Clean Diet by Tosca Rena. This book has become an incredible resource for me on everything from supplements, to ideas for feeding your family, to what to put in your pantry. It provides shopping lists and recipe ideas and motivation. I have also found her web pages and facebook pages and she is providing the fresh ideas and support you need to change.
The concept is simple, you eat food. Not processed food, not prepackaged food, not chemical filled, food dyed and colored food, just food. Ok, I hear the groans, "that is impossible right"? Not really. "Oh, it is way more expensive, we can't afford that!" You can with planning. I used to go out and shop and then never plan and throw away tons of food that went bad before I had a chance to cook it. Now I am planning my meals and making more trips to the grocery store and buying only what we need, not what I think we need.
I will be honest there was a bit of an expense getting started. I had to buy some new cooking pans and storage containers from Marshalls and I have been slowly replacing my pantry items. However, this is being offset by the fact that last week we did not order out food three nights like we used too. I did not stop for an egg and cheese sandwich five days a week, I made my own. I also fed the kids lunch at home and packed their lunches. With those changes, I think I paid it off.
We will still go out to eat. This past Saturday we went to the Barnacle and it was very easy to eat clean for me. I let the kids order off the kids menu and have a dessert as treat, I have told them that when we are out to dinner or at friends houses they can make their own choices. Hopefully by eating 99% of the time at home, they will eventually start to make the right choices when out. Anyway, I had steamed crab legs for an appetizer, no butter, I squeezed fresh lemon instead and for an entree I had grilled salmon over greens with balsamic vinegar.
Back to the process. I started by going through my pantry and removing anything that had ingredients that included corn syrup, fructose, words I did not understand, food coloring, white flour, trans fats, and anything partially hydrogenated. I FILLED UP 8 BAGS!!! You would not believe what corn syrup is in!
Ritz crackers
microwave popcorn
pretzels
ketchup
BBQ sauce
granola bars
cake mixes
frostings
apple sauce
peanut butter
Jelly
bread
kids smoothies and yogurts
Just to name a few things, before you pay $$$ for something in a store, READ THE INGREDIENTS!!!
I spent a few hours in Trader Joes and Whole Foods, looking for healthier replacement options. For example, I replaced Ritz crackers with Whole Foods brand made with whole wheat flour. My kids did not notice the difference! The kids were so used to seeing certain labels and boxes, so I bought a bunch of clear containers to store the food, so they just see the food, not the packaging.
I replaced our mustards and ketchups and some marinades, I found new healthier replacement options for most items and bought whole wheat pasta and bread and wheat flour.
The most important resource so far has been sharing this journey with friends on facebook, because I have been learning from other people who have gone through this and our living healthier lives.
More to come....
I found
First you have to empower yourself with knowledge. My empowerment had started with Jamie Oliver and with the Juice Plus presentation. Next, you have to resolve yourself to change. I hear so many people saying, "Oh, I don't have time" or "Oh it is too much work" and I understand, I used to be like that. However, our children don't have a voice or the power to make the change, they are told to eat what we serve them and we usually do not give them a choice. I decided that I needed to work harder to make those choices real food and healthy options for them.
It has not been easy so far, but it has been rewarding. My kids are enjoying cooking and trying new foods they never have before. Yes, there has been a lot of whining about McDonald's and such, but I have told them we will make our own healthy version of a McDonald's happy meal together!
How did I actually go through the process in my house?
I went to the book store looking for some books about nutrition and cooking books for healthy whole food eating and I found The Eating Clean Diet by Tosca Rena. This book has become an incredible resource for me on everything from supplements, to ideas for feeding your family, to what to put in your pantry. It provides shopping lists and recipe ideas and motivation. I have also found her web pages and facebook pages and she is providing the fresh ideas and support you need to change.
The concept is simple, you eat food. Not processed food, not prepackaged food, not chemical filled, food dyed and colored food, just food. Ok, I hear the groans, "that is impossible right"? Not really. "Oh, it is way more expensive, we can't afford that!" You can with planning. I used to go out and shop and then never plan and throw away tons of food that went bad before I had a chance to cook it. Now I am planning my meals and making more trips to the grocery store and buying only what we need, not what I think we need.
I will be honest there was a bit of an expense getting started. I had to buy some new cooking pans and storage containers from Marshalls and I have been slowly replacing my pantry items. However, this is being offset by the fact that last week we did not order out food three nights like we used too. I did not stop for an egg and cheese sandwich five days a week, I made my own. I also fed the kids lunch at home and packed their lunches. With those changes, I think I paid it off.
We will still go out to eat. This past Saturday we went to the Barnacle and it was very easy to eat clean for me. I let the kids order off the kids menu and have a dessert as treat, I have told them that when we are out to dinner or at friends houses they can make their own choices. Hopefully by eating 99% of the time at home, they will eventually start to make the right choices when out. Anyway, I had steamed crab legs for an appetizer, no butter, I squeezed fresh lemon instead and for an entree I had grilled salmon over greens with balsamic vinegar.
Back to the process. I started by going through my pantry and removing anything that had ingredients that included corn syrup, fructose, words I did not understand, food coloring, white flour, trans fats, and anything partially hydrogenated. I FILLED UP 8 BAGS!!! You would not believe what corn syrup is in!
Ritz crackers
microwave popcorn
pretzels
ketchup
BBQ sauce
granola bars
cake mixes
frostings
apple sauce
peanut butter
Jelly
bread
kids smoothies and yogurts
Just to name a few things, before you pay $$$ for something in a store, READ THE INGREDIENTS!!!
I spent a few hours in Trader Joes and Whole Foods, looking for healthier replacement options. For example, I replaced Ritz crackers with Whole Foods brand made with whole wheat flour. My kids did not notice the difference! The kids were so used to seeing certain labels and boxes, so I bought a bunch of clear containers to store the food, so they just see the food, not the packaging.
I replaced our mustards and ketchups and some marinades, I found new healthier replacement options for most items and bought whole wheat pasta and bread and wheat flour.
The most important resource so far has been sharing this journey with friends on facebook, because I have been learning from other people who have gone through this and our living healthier lives.
More to come....
I found
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Food Revolution
April 2009, I learned I was clinically obese, 100 pounds overweight. I had been a college athlete, a field hockey national team member in my teens, how could this happen? I had let the stress and the demands of having four young children, one with a severe disability and a husband who works in a demanding career overshadow my health. I had let myself go and suddenly I was told by my doctor how serious a problem this was.
I had a choice to make. Do I continue on this path of self destruction and obesity leading me to diabetes, heart disease and cancer and a promise of an early death? Or, do I dig down deep, fight hard to lose weight and get fit?
I Chose the fight. That is when I registered for the Disney 1/2 marathon, joined the most incredible and supportive running team, Team Allears and began to exercise and run.
April 2010, one 1/2 marathon, one full marathon and several 5k's, a 10k and other races later, I went back to see my Doctor for my yearly physical. I felt fit and wonderful, but recognized the little voice on my shoulder that had been nagging at me mile 18 to 26.2 during the Boston Marathon. The voice had been saying in an annoyingly naggy voice similar to the way mothers say, "I told you so". "You are carrying all this extra weight and it is slowing you down because you did not eat properly"
I had worked out frequently the past year, changed my eating habits slightly, but had not lost a significant amount of weight. If I was lighter, I would run faster, it would be easier, I would be healthier. In my mind I thought I had lost around 40 pounds and was slapped in the face when I realized I had only lost 20 pounds.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????
How could this be possible? I run hard 3-4 times a week, I run for hours at a time. My doctor was proud of me and told me not to give up and to keep working, he told me, "You have the exercise part down, now you need to work on the diet. He told me to really think about what I was feeding my body. Keep fighting.
I walked out of the office and starting thinking about what I eat. I usually ate scrambled eggs with cheese and coffee for breakfast, a sandwich of some some sort for lunch, and for dinner takeout, often. I really had not been eating well or making smart choices, I would eat off the kids plates, I would regularly eat chips and salsa, Chinese food at night or pizza with my husband was typical.
On a side note he never gains weight. GRRRRRRRR
Ok focus back to me.
A friend of mine had been telling me about Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution after I had inquired online about what the school lunch Maxi Cheese Stick was all about. I started watching his show and it changed the way I look at food. As a family we have not been eating food, we have been eating processed crap. We have been drinking milk with hormones, we have been eating meat and eggs treated with hormones and antibiotics, we eat too much sugar, too little food.
A few nights later, I attended a presentation given by Juice Plus. A supplement you can take as adults and give to your children. They pick the fruits and vegetables straight from the vine and flash freeze and compound them and put them into gummies for the children and capsules for the adults. When you take them it ensures that you and your children are getting the 7 servings of fruits and vegetables daily that your body requires. It is FDA approved and endorsed by Dr. Sears and countless others.
A few things stuck in my head as I listened to this presentation.
1. I have not only been doing this to myself, I have been feeding my children in an inappropriate way, by serving processed food at home with too much sugar and corn syrup. I though we had been eating healthy since they did not have sugar cereals and pop tarts, but you would not believe what corn syrup is in.
2. This present generation of children have a shorter length life expectancy due to improper nutrition resulting in earlier onset of diabetes, cancer and heart disease.
3. The number of Young children being diagnosed with Diabetes under age 10 and obesity by age 12 is alarming.
4. An enormous amount of money is spent every year trying to find ways to cure cancer when in fact the only way to really cure cancer is to work on prevention.
5. I learned that corn syrup is a processed form of sugar that is dangerous to the body and that since the body does not know how to digest it, it stores it as fat. White flour has no nutritional value. Anything with hydrogenated and trans fat is unhealthy.
I decided at that point that I needed to start my own personal food revolution. It is no wonder why I have not lost more weight, I had been exercising, but that is only one small part 80% of weight loss is what you feed your body, your nutrition.
When I decide to do something I usually go hard core, I came back that night determined to make some serious lifestyle changes.
I had a choice to make. Do I continue on this path of self destruction and obesity leading me to diabetes, heart disease and cancer and a promise of an early death? Or, do I dig down deep, fight hard to lose weight and get fit?
I Chose the fight. That is when I registered for the Disney 1/2 marathon, joined the most incredible and supportive running team, Team Allears and began to exercise and run.
April 2010, one 1/2 marathon, one full marathon and several 5k's, a 10k and other races later, I went back to see my Doctor for my yearly physical. I felt fit and wonderful, but recognized the little voice on my shoulder that had been nagging at me mile 18 to 26.2 during the Boston Marathon. The voice had been saying in an annoyingly naggy voice similar to the way mothers say, "I told you so". "You are carrying all this extra weight and it is slowing you down because you did not eat properly"
I had worked out frequently the past year, changed my eating habits slightly, but had not lost a significant amount of weight. If I was lighter, I would run faster, it would be easier, I would be healthier. In my mind I thought I had lost around 40 pounds and was slapped in the face when I realized I had only lost 20 pounds.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????
How could this be possible? I run hard 3-4 times a week, I run for hours at a time. My doctor was proud of me and told me not to give up and to keep working, he told me, "You have the exercise part down, now you need to work on the diet. He told me to really think about what I was feeding my body. Keep fighting.
I walked out of the office and starting thinking about what I eat. I usually ate scrambled eggs with cheese and coffee for breakfast, a sandwich of some some sort for lunch, and for dinner takeout, often. I really had not been eating well or making smart choices, I would eat off the kids plates, I would regularly eat chips and salsa, Chinese food at night or pizza with my husband was typical.
On a side note he never gains weight. GRRRRRRRR
Ok focus back to me.
A friend of mine had been telling me about Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution after I had inquired online about what the school lunch Maxi Cheese Stick was all about. I started watching his show and it changed the way I look at food. As a family we have not been eating food, we have been eating processed crap. We have been drinking milk with hormones, we have been eating meat and eggs treated with hormones and antibiotics, we eat too much sugar, too little food.
A few nights later, I attended a presentation given by Juice Plus. A supplement you can take as adults and give to your children. They pick the fruits and vegetables straight from the vine and flash freeze and compound them and put them into gummies for the children and capsules for the adults. When you take them it ensures that you and your children are getting the 7 servings of fruits and vegetables daily that your body requires. It is FDA approved and endorsed by Dr. Sears and countless others.
A few things stuck in my head as I listened to this presentation.
1. I have not only been doing this to myself, I have been feeding my children in an inappropriate way, by serving processed food at home with too much sugar and corn syrup. I though we had been eating healthy since they did not have sugar cereals and pop tarts, but you would not believe what corn syrup is in.
2. This present generation of children have a shorter length life expectancy due to improper nutrition resulting in earlier onset of diabetes, cancer and heart disease.
3. The number of Young children being diagnosed with Diabetes under age 10 and obesity by age 12 is alarming.
4. An enormous amount of money is spent every year trying to find ways to cure cancer when in fact the only way to really cure cancer is to work on prevention.
5. I learned that corn syrup is a processed form of sugar that is dangerous to the body and that since the body does not know how to digest it, it stores it as fat. White flour has no nutritional value. Anything with hydrogenated and trans fat is unhealthy.
I decided at that point that I needed to start my own personal food revolution. It is no wonder why I have not lost more weight, I had been exercising, but that is only one small part 80% of weight loss is what you feed your body, your nutrition.
When I decide to do something I usually go hard core, I came back that night determined to make some serious lifestyle changes.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Boston Marathon Part 2
Momenesia, as a mom of 4, I certainly understand momnesia. It is the feeling you get anywhere from 6 hours to 6 weeks post delivery. You suddenly forget the pain of labor and the discomfort of pregnancy and all you can remember is the beauty and the love of this adorable perfect creature that you created staring back at you and despite how many times you have sworn during pregnancy and perhaps screamed during labor pains, "I will never do this again, so don't even ask me" to your husband or partner you know that you might do it again. Because again, pain and discomfort is temporary, but the end result is permanent and worth all of the pain and the suffering in the world.
Why am I talking about childbirth and momnesisa in my marathon post? Because I have a new syndrome called Marathonesia. I suffer from it.
I have been a runner for 1 year of my 37 years now and of course I want my husband to cross that line and come run with me. He keeps protesting stating that he has no time, that he has a knee injury, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, while we were discussing the merits of running the other night he told me that people either finish a marathon swearing they will never do it again or begging for more. I insisted that I would be begging for more.
Let me tell you that at heartbreak hill, I was screaming to myself, "I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!" It was so painful and long and disappointing. I was disappointed in myself that I could not run the whole way. I was disappointed in the marathon organizers that they had taken down all of the aid stations and tracking times and mileage signs earlier than they said that they would. I was angry that they let charity runners run and did not provide them with support. I was angry with the spectators that they only stayed to support and cheer runners than ran 12 minutes miles or less, there were more charity runners behind me lonely and alone doing this with no support and it made me mad and sad and frustrated.
I had been told, it will be incredible, the spectators get you through. The spectators were there in Hopkington and in Ashland, but once I got to Natick and I was still running about 1 14 mile pace there everyone had gone. Thank goodness for the Tufts gang that were there along with Nik and the kids to still cheer. The crews were cleaning up the water and aid stations, it was as if I did not matter, as if the money I had raised did not count because I was not fast enough. This was painful to experience and hurtful and I am sure some people might have dropped out of the race because of this. It was even difficult once I crossed into Wellesley to figure out which way the course went, but thankfully I followed the trash.
I had resigned myself that morning that I would not quit, I was going to do this. I got 52 texts of support and I had read every one of them and those words from friends and teammates and from facebook posts and the dream of seeing my kids at the finish would not let me quit, nothing mattered but finishing even if it was 10 at night even if I had to crawl. I WOULD NOT QUIT.
So, I kept going, alone and deep inside me, I keep thinking, I am never going to do this again. By the time I got to Boston College, I was severely dehydrated, I could feel the salt on my face, I had not gone to the bathroom or felt the need sine 8am and it was now 5pm or so, my phone was dead and there were no aid stations to be found. I suddenly thought that maybe I Should have brought money to buy water, and hoped that if I did collapse, some nice bystander would call 911 for me.
I found a bottle of water in the curb of a street and it was unopened, I normally would never do this, but when you are that thirsty, I had nothing to lose. I opened it and downed it. A few steps down the road there were cups of gatorade on the street left by some sympathetic water station. I sniffed to make sure no jokster BC students had spiked them and them downed a few. I finally began to perk up by Cleveland circle and then I met up with my friends and it all got a lot better from there.
What is the point of my rambling? MARATHONESIA. I was stunned when I finished and as soon as that medal was placed around my neck. Woosh, all of the pain, all of the suffering, all of the anger and the hurt feelings and the shame were replaced by bliss and pride and yearning. I was so thankful to my coach who waited for me and did not come looking for me, he had confidence that I would show.
I WANT TO DO MORE MARATHONS AND I WANT TO DO BETTER! I need to lose more weight, train harder, cross train more and improve my time. I will take 7 hours for my first one, but in two to three years Boston, I am coming back to get you and I plan on taking you in 5 hours and that is a promise. In the meantime I am going to start picking on some other marathons and races.
I experienced the "loserville" Boston marathon experience, I never got to hear the roar of the Wellesley College girls, I just ran over the confetti and signs on the course, I did not get to sample the fresh orange wedges handed out on the course, I just ran over the left overs. Next time I plan on being fast enough to experience it all!
I OFFICIALLY DIAGNOSE MYSELF WITH MARATHONESIA AND THERE IS NO CURE!
Why am I talking about childbirth and momnesisa in my marathon post? Because I have a new syndrome called Marathonesia. I suffer from it.
I have been a runner for 1 year of my 37 years now and of course I want my husband to cross that line and come run with me. He keeps protesting stating that he has no time, that he has a knee injury, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, while we were discussing the merits of running the other night he told me that people either finish a marathon swearing they will never do it again or begging for more. I insisted that I would be begging for more.
Let me tell you that at heartbreak hill, I was screaming to myself, "I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!" It was so painful and long and disappointing. I was disappointed in myself that I could not run the whole way. I was disappointed in the marathon organizers that they had taken down all of the aid stations and tracking times and mileage signs earlier than they said that they would. I was angry that they let charity runners run and did not provide them with support. I was angry with the spectators that they only stayed to support and cheer runners than ran 12 minutes miles or less, there were more charity runners behind me lonely and alone doing this with no support and it made me mad and sad and frustrated.
I had been told, it will be incredible, the spectators get you through. The spectators were there in Hopkington and in Ashland, but once I got to Natick and I was still running about 1 14 mile pace there everyone had gone. Thank goodness for the Tufts gang that were there along with Nik and the kids to still cheer. The crews were cleaning up the water and aid stations, it was as if I did not matter, as if the money I had raised did not count because I was not fast enough. This was painful to experience and hurtful and I am sure some people might have dropped out of the race because of this. It was even difficult once I crossed into Wellesley to figure out which way the course went, but thankfully I followed the trash.
I had resigned myself that morning that I would not quit, I was going to do this. I got 52 texts of support and I had read every one of them and those words from friends and teammates and from facebook posts and the dream of seeing my kids at the finish would not let me quit, nothing mattered but finishing even if it was 10 at night even if I had to crawl. I WOULD NOT QUIT.
So, I kept going, alone and deep inside me, I keep thinking, I am never going to do this again. By the time I got to Boston College, I was severely dehydrated, I could feel the salt on my face, I had not gone to the bathroom or felt the need sine 8am and it was now 5pm or so, my phone was dead and there were no aid stations to be found. I suddenly thought that maybe I Should have brought money to buy water, and hoped that if I did collapse, some nice bystander would call 911 for me.
I found a bottle of water in the curb of a street and it was unopened, I normally would never do this, but when you are that thirsty, I had nothing to lose. I opened it and downed it. A few steps down the road there were cups of gatorade on the street left by some sympathetic water station. I sniffed to make sure no jokster BC students had spiked them and them downed a few. I finally began to perk up by Cleveland circle and then I met up with my friends and it all got a lot better from there.
What is the point of my rambling? MARATHONESIA. I was stunned when I finished and as soon as that medal was placed around my neck. Woosh, all of the pain, all of the suffering, all of the anger and the hurt feelings and the shame were replaced by bliss and pride and yearning. I was so thankful to my coach who waited for me and did not come looking for me, he had confidence that I would show.
I WANT TO DO MORE MARATHONS AND I WANT TO DO BETTER! I need to lose more weight, train harder, cross train more and improve my time. I will take 7 hours for my first one, but in two to three years Boston, I am coming back to get you and I plan on taking you in 5 hours and that is a promise. In the meantime I am going to start picking on some other marathons and races.
I experienced the "loserville" Boston marathon experience, I never got to hear the roar of the Wellesley College girls, I just ran over the confetti and signs on the course, I did not get to sample the fresh orange wedges handed out on the course, I just ran over the left overs. Next time I plan on being fast enough to experience it all!
I OFFICIALLY DIAGNOSE MYSELF WITH MARATHONESIA AND THERE IS NO CURE!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Boston Marathon Part 1
When you are facing something as historic, as legendary, as numbing as the Boston Marathon it is complicated. It plays with your mind. You wonder if you are dreaming. How did you get here? Is this real? I grew up in Providence, RI and my first introduction to the marathon was when I was a junior in high school and in photography class. My teacher was watching people running on tv. I asked what he was watching and he told me the Boston marathon. All I took from that was, wow how cool, they get the day off from school in MA??? My next experience with the Boston marathon were during post college years when I watched with admiration runners every year running through Boston. I always felt this longing in myself like something was missing, like I was missing. I wanted to run. I needed to run. I wanted to be like every runner out there. I needed to do this.
Years and Years and Years went by before I got my chance. Ok so the 2010 Boston Marathon will always go down for me as being one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Not because I got a number, not because I did it, not because of the beautiful day, not because I finished it, but because of the ending, it all started at mile 24 when my friends Josh and Cailin showed up to get me to the finish.
I ran what I call the "loserville" Boston marathon, I was too slow, when I got to Natick, Wellesley, Newton no one was there and no one cared. It was not until Brookline that the drunk brigade came to my rescue! The drunk residents of Brookline supported me and when I was tired of being serenaded by drunk people, I think at least 5 drunk men ranging in age from 25 to 45 grabbed my hand and serenaded me the Barrilow tune "Oh Mandy", my good friends and my kids rescued me!
When Josh and Cailin met me it all clicked, they walked me to the finish, I was jogging but they were walking, hmm I guess I was jogging pretty slow at that point and I don't know if I could have made it without them. They supported me and when I was feeling embarrassed they made me feel special, when I felt like a failure they made me feel like a marathoner!
We met up with my kids at Kenmore who were so excited to see me. They did not realize that I was one of the last finishers they did not care. They just saw me running and they were excited and proud and then I felt proud. I kept running and then all of a sudden I realized that they were running with me.
The streets were all still closed at this point and I felt like I was in a real race again.
We all ran together a right on Hereford and a left on Boylston. We were all running together down Boylston. My coach was there waiting for me. There were crowds cheering me and police and I was running to the finish and suddenly it was there and I crossed the finish line with my kids.
What a feeling, what a memory! I am still confused by what I did. Still in shock that I traveled through Hopkinton, Ashland, Natick, Framingham, Wellesley, Newton, Brookline into Boston, 26.2 miles all on foot.
I thought because I got there after the official timing had stopped that no one would care, no one would be there, I would not get a medal, but the support from the crowds running through Kenmore, running down Bolyston was incredible, everyone was cheering and yelling and clapping. One woman said to me the Charity runners are angels! It was remarkable.
I had prepared myself not to expect a medal, and I kept telling myself that it did not matter, but when I crossed the finished and I walked a few feet to one of the organizers and they placed a medal around my neck, I began sobbing. My name would not be in the paper or in the official records, because I was too slow, but I have my medal and I have my memories and most importantly, I have my pride. I did it! From couch to Boston marathon in one year!
Years and Years and Years went by before I got my chance. Ok so the 2010 Boston Marathon will always go down for me as being one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Not because I got a number, not because I did it, not because of the beautiful day, not because I finished it, but because of the ending, it all started at mile 24 when my friends Josh and Cailin showed up to get me to the finish.
I ran what I call the "loserville" Boston marathon, I was too slow, when I got to Natick, Wellesley, Newton no one was there and no one cared. It was not until Brookline that the drunk brigade came to my rescue! The drunk residents of Brookline supported me and when I was tired of being serenaded by drunk people, I think at least 5 drunk men ranging in age from 25 to 45 grabbed my hand and serenaded me the Barrilow tune "Oh Mandy", my good friends and my kids rescued me!
When Josh and Cailin met me it all clicked, they walked me to the finish, I was jogging but they were walking, hmm I guess I was jogging pretty slow at that point and I don't know if I could have made it without them. They supported me and when I was feeling embarrassed they made me feel special, when I felt like a failure they made me feel like a marathoner!
We met up with my kids at Kenmore who were so excited to see me. They did not realize that I was one of the last finishers they did not care. They just saw me running and they were excited and proud and then I felt proud. I kept running and then all of a sudden I realized that they were running with me.
The streets were all still closed at this point and I felt like I was in a real race again.
We all ran together a right on Hereford and a left on Boylston. We were all running together down Boylston. My coach was there waiting for me. There were crowds cheering me and police and I was running to the finish and suddenly it was there and I crossed the finish line with my kids.
What a feeling, what a memory! I am still confused by what I did. Still in shock that I traveled through Hopkinton, Ashland, Natick, Framingham, Wellesley, Newton, Brookline into Boston, 26.2 miles all on foot.
I thought because I got there after the official timing had stopped that no one would care, no one would be there, I would not get a medal, but the support from the crowds running through Kenmore, running down Bolyston was incredible, everyone was cheering and yelling and clapping. One woman said to me the Charity runners are angels! It was remarkable.
I had prepared myself not to expect a medal, and I kept telling myself that it did not matter, but when I crossed the finished and I walked a few feet to one of the organizers and they placed a medal around my neck, I began sobbing. My name would not be in the paper or in the official records, because I was too slow, but I have my medal and I have my memories and most importantly, I have my pride. I did it! From couch to Boston marathon in one year!
Friday, April 9, 2010
12 days to go, hopes and fears
I have 12 days till I run my first marathon, I am in what is called the taper period. The time frame where you rest your body and fuel with good protein and carbohydrates and allow your muscles to repair and build oxygen supplies and get stronger. I feel ancy, like I need a good long run, but I am told that that is a healthy and natural feeling.
My running coach has been providing us with helpful information and advice. I have been trying to sit more and eat more protein and fight the urge to run 13 miles this weekend because I really would love to.
I can't believe I just said that, but it is true. Running for long runs is peaceful and makes you feel alive.
Emotionally I am not as zen. I am freaked out of my mind. Wondering if I can finish, wondering how badly it will hurt. Hoping to not have a heart attack, hoping for no terrible blisters or pulls along the way. Hoping that I can hydrate myself accurately and fuel myself so that my legs don't turn into cement between 18 and 20 miles.
I have deiced that no matter how I feel, I will smile and be polite to heartbreak hill, I will not curse and be miserable.
I have huge anxiety that I will be all alone running, the last one out of 16 thousand people making my way to Boston and thinking about how humiliating that will feel.
My biggest hope is that I will cross the finish line in under 7 hours.
My biggest fear is that I will have a heart attack and die along the way or get that scary over hydration problem where your brain swell, you get confused and then you die.
My absolute fear is that I won't finish.
Mu number is 26657, please come out to the race and cheer me on in Boston or track me.
I will have my cell phone so feel free to text me words of encouragement, my cell is 617-642-7667
I will try to tweet as well and that is mommymouseplans.
My oracle or running a member of my running team, a goddess of running and wisdom responded to me kindly when I asked her if I was Fu@$ed due to my training gaps, well yes and know, but stressed that it is all mental if you keep the mental in line you will be fine.
That has always been my overall strength. Being positive, staying positive and believing in the magic and wonder of dreams.
It has always been my dream to run the Boston Marathon and on Monday April 19, I plan on working my hardest to make that dream come true
My running coach has been providing us with helpful information and advice. I have been trying to sit more and eat more protein and fight the urge to run 13 miles this weekend because I really would love to.
I can't believe I just said that, but it is true. Running for long runs is peaceful and makes you feel alive.
Emotionally I am not as zen. I am freaked out of my mind. Wondering if I can finish, wondering how badly it will hurt. Hoping to not have a heart attack, hoping for no terrible blisters or pulls along the way. Hoping that I can hydrate myself accurately and fuel myself so that my legs don't turn into cement between 18 and 20 miles.
I have deiced that no matter how I feel, I will smile and be polite to heartbreak hill, I will not curse and be miserable.
I have huge anxiety that I will be all alone running, the last one out of 16 thousand people making my way to Boston and thinking about how humiliating that will feel.
My biggest hope is that I will cross the finish line in under 7 hours.
My biggest fear is that I will have a heart attack and die along the way or get that scary over hydration problem where your brain swell, you get confused and then you die.
My absolute fear is that I won't finish.
Mu number is 26657, please come out to the race and cheer me on in Boston or track me.
I will have my cell phone so feel free to text me words of encouragement, my cell is 617-642-7667
I will try to tweet as well and that is mommymouseplans.
My oracle or running a member of my running team, a goddess of running and wisdom responded to me kindly when I asked her if I was Fu@$ed due to my training gaps, well yes and know, but stressed that it is all mental if you keep the mental in line you will be fine.
That has always been my overall strength. Being positive, staying positive and believing in the magic and wonder of dreams.
It has always been my dream to run the Boston Marathon and on Monday April 19, I plan on working my hardest to make that dream come true
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
20 mile race
So, I knew I had to try, so i signed up for the legendary pre training Boston marathon race the eastern states 20 mile race with my all ears team running bud Josh. i was nervous going into the race for all of my reasons I have previously discussed. It was pretty amazing to stand next to the legendary Hoyts pre-race. This race starts at Kittery Maine and finishes at Hampton Beach, it is described as a flat and fast course. Hmm, the fist 3 miles were hilly and not flat crossing two bridges and running through downtown Portsmouth, then it got flat and could have been beautiful if not for the 35-40 mile per hour head and cross winds. Running through Rye , NH should have been a beautiful and relaxing experience, but instead it was taxing and exhausting culminating in a mile between 10 and 11 so treacherous that I had my arm up while running and for every step forward was being blown back two steps. At that point I stopped. There was no way I could continue fighting these forces for another 9 miles. It was disappointing, but also exhilarating, I felt great! Not out of breath, legs were not toast. I felt i could have gone farther if not for the winds. it makes me nervous for race day conditions. this is the second long run that has been cut short due to strong headwinds, makes me a bit nervous, but, I have no choice but to stay positive and keep training and moving forward.
Mental Wars
Last week was as far as training weeks go, a terrible, awful, very bad no good week. I got a mental panic and that froze my training. I started the week off Friday with a good run, it was a hilly 5 mile run that started off tough and finished off great. But then a weekend of fun culminated in sick children and exhaustion and work stress and a loss of a long run which then became a week of rest due to a very sick baby, bad weather and work pressures. I being the extremist that I am said ok one week off equals 20 mile race on Sunday. I will blog about that next, but what I have to come to realize is that running is so mentally exhausting. I have a constant fear and pressure that I am an awful runner and a slow runner and a fat runner and I have no business being out there. Then I beat myself up and it keeps me from getting out there. Then I force myself to go and within 30 minutes, I feel great and I love running, I feel strong, I feel alive and I think that this is what makes me happy, this is what I have been missing. When I run regularly, everything in my life falls into place and feels manageable. When I don't run things feel overwhelming and out of control. I have this constant battle of I love running I hate running, when in fact I hate not running.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Training Confusion
Ok I think training for a marathon especially the Boston marathon is a lot more complex than training for a 1/2 marathon. There are tons of different opinions out there on how often and how much to run, how often and how much to cross train. The different types of running you should be doing. All of this has left me very very confused.
The one constant I know is that I need to do a long run of increasing distance each week.
I also now know that I need to focus on running hills for one of my hour long runs each week.
I also have decided to run one temo run each week where I vary my speeds.
I am also considering adding in another run each week just to up my fitness level and see if I can drop a few more pounds.
Cross training is hard, due to limited time.
I have been frustrated by some blogs that are out there right now. I have been looking for resources on fat runers like me and came acrosss one obnoxious man who stated in his blog that fat people had no business running and training for a marathon because it is obviously not working for you.
I am going to keep on trying, keep my head up and know that if I keep working hard and believe in myself, I can do this.
I want to finish even if it takes me 7-8 hours, I want to cross that finish line and fat or not I believe that if you are willing to train and go for it then you should do it with your head held high.
The one constant I know is that I need to do a long run of increasing distance each week.
I also now know that I need to focus on running hills for one of my hour long runs each week.
I also have decided to run one temo run each week where I vary my speeds.
I am also considering adding in another run each week just to up my fitness level and see if I can drop a few more pounds.
Cross training is hard, due to limited time.
I have been frustrated by some blogs that are out there right now. I have been looking for resources on fat runers like me and came acrosss one obnoxious man who stated in his blog that fat people had no business running and training for a marathon because it is obviously not working for you.
I am going to keep on trying, keep my head up and know that if I keep working hard and believe in myself, I can do this.
I want to finish even if it takes me 7-8 hours, I want to cross that finish line and fat or not I believe that if you are willing to train and go for it then you should do it with your head held high.
1st Long run on the course
I awoke last Sunday with a huge pit of nervousness in my stomach. It was my first long run on the course with the team. I was filled with insecurities and knew that I would be the slowest, most inexperienced, fatest person running and that is a lot to deal with. This was also combined with the fact that I knew I was behind in my running schedule. My last long run was January 6 the 1/2 marathon. Today was March 7, so I had some ground to make up.
I arrived at the John Hancock center at 8:00am and the one good thing I had on my side was the weather. It was already warm and forecast to be 50 degrees, balmy training weather for the Northeast in March. Of course, I show up and am surrounded by 125 young, perfect and fit people. There are a handful of us on the team over 24 years old, but everyone is more fit than me. I am the only heffalump.
I struck up a conversation with a nice woman who also told me she was a beginner runner and looked to be in the over 35 category. She was kind and offered to run with me when I told her I was slow. She of course blew me away once we started running. I did not realize how hilly this course would be. We started at the finish line and after everyone on the team passed me and I was running alone, I started to enjoy the scenery. I ran through Kenmore square, up Beacon street, up, up, up, was the word that was echoing in my mind. Ran up coolidge corner, up to chestnut hill, up to Boston College and this is where my legs started to fatigue. This run was entirely up hill! Finally I hit Newton and started to run downhill, there were a lot of other runners out there of course all fitter and faster than me. It felt good to finally run downhill and before I knew it, I was at my 7 mile turn around point. I turned around and suddenly realized what I had been running down. HEARTBREAK HILL, gasp, I started wogging up the long, long, long, long incline and finally made it to the top and started retracing my route back.
Everything started to hurt around coolidge corner, my feet, my legs, I was so tired. I slowed down and was doing a steady wog. I ran through Kenmore Square, but when I hit Commonwealth, I had to stop and walk for the first time. Actually limp was more accurate. I limped back to the Prudential Mall and then started jogging again to the finish. I didt it, 14 miles on the course. It was long and painful and slow, but I did it.
I had run from 9 am until 1pm, 4 hours, scary. I am so slow and this really eats at me. How does everyone else run so fast? Why can't I? I was exhausted. I am not a napper, but I actually fell asleep in the car on the ride home. Then I was so tired and so sore that I could barely move the rest of the day. But I did it! The promsing fact is that the next day, I did not feel too badly. I recovered much faster than I had after the half marathon, each week now will bring longer and longer runs and I hope my body is able to improve and rebuild stronger and faster with each run. I have to say I am scared and nervous about how difficult this marathon will be, but I am up to the challenge.
Boston bring it on!
I arrived at the John Hancock center at 8:00am and the one good thing I had on my side was the weather. It was already warm and forecast to be 50 degrees, balmy training weather for the Northeast in March. Of course, I show up and am surrounded by 125 young, perfect and fit people. There are a handful of us on the team over 24 years old, but everyone is more fit than me. I am the only heffalump.
I struck up a conversation with a nice woman who also told me she was a beginner runner and looked to be in the over 35 category. She was kind and offered to run with me when I told her I was slow. She of course blew me away once we started running. I did not realize how hilly this course would be. We started at the finish line and after everyone on the team passed me and I was running alone, I started to enjoy the scenery. I ran through Kenmore square, up Beacon street, up, up, up, was the word that was echoing in my mind. Ran up coolidge corner, up to chestnut hill, up to Boston College and this is where my legs started to fatigue. This run was entirely up hill! Finally I hit Newton and started to run downhill, there were a lot of other runners out there of course all fitter and faster than me. It felt good to finally run downhill and before I knew it, I was at my 7 mile turn around point. I turned around and suddenly realized what I had been running down. HEARTBREAK HILL, gasp, I started wogging up the long, long, long, long incline and finally made it to the top and started retracing my route back.
Everything started to hurt around coolidge corner, my feet, my legs, I was so tired. I slowed down and was doing a steady wog. I ran through Kenmore Square, but when I hit Commonwealth, I had to stop and walk for the first time. Actually limp was more accurate. I limped back to the Prudential Mall and then started jogging again to the finish. I didt it, 14 miles on the course. It was long and painful and slow, but I did it.
I had run from 9 am until 1pm, 4 hours, scary. I am so slow and this really eats at me. How does everyone else run so fast? Why can't I? I was exhausted. I am not a napper, but I actually fell asleep in the car on the ride home. Then I was so tired and so sore that I could barely move the rest of the day. But I did it! The promsing fact is that the next day, I did not feel too badly. I recovered much faster than I had after the half marathon, each week now will bring longer and longer runs and I hope my body is able to improve and rebuild stronger and faster with each run. I have to say I am scared and nervous about how difficult this marathon will be, but I am up to the challenge.
Boston bring it on!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Day 1 of Hard Core Boston Marathon Training begins
So I have to admit, I have been going through a funky phase since I returned from Disney on the heels of accomplishing my goal to run the Disney 1/2 marathon. I did it and it was amazing and hard and fun and everything I had hoped it to be and more. I enjoyed my fabulous vacation with my family and returned home and a combination of things happened that led to a 6 week running slump.
1. After I returned, it was soooo cold and I felt like giving myself a 2 week vacation from running, after all, I had trained and worked so hard and earned it, so I felt justified in savoring my accomplishment and relaxing my muscles for a couple of week. Plus with constant snowstorms, my hate of the treadmill and sub 20 degree weather, I was ready for a break.
2. My son, whom I love so much and who has multiple disabilities suffered a downturn and went through a very tough time, forcing the necessity of several doctors appointments and additional attention and love and drain and wear and tear on me. Definitely made me very sad as we worked through helping him get back on track.
3. I then suffered from what was either a nasty three week flu or a chemical pregnancy, either way, for three weeks, I was exhausted, nauseous and overall sick.
This past week , I looked at the calendar and went UH OH! I am running the Boston Marathon in 8 weeks, 8 weeks from today in fact, I need to get on track!!!!
Now for me, running has meant so much to me this past almost full year now and has changed my life in so many ways. I am now a runner and while I know 6 weeks slumps may and will happen, the important thing is that I don't give up. I am never going back to being a sedentary depressed blob. I may still look like a blob, but I am not a sedentary, depressed blob!
I am going to do this and I want to do this, if you believe you can and you commit yourself mentally to a challenge you can and will achieve it.
Last night, I had a talk with myself. No more excuses, no more resting, it is time to take charge, work through the obstacles and get back on track.
That means not just a training change, but of course from now until the marathon, I have to completely change my mental attitude, thinking, and lifestyle.
1. I have to maintain a running schedule of a minimum of three runs a week and a maximum of four, two to three will be shorter runs of 4 to 8 miles and one longer run increasing in distance each week.
2. I have to pay attention to nutrition and that means everything I put in my body. I am training my body to be an efficient performance machine, so that means I have to make sure I am taking in enough lean proteins, fruits, vegetable, vitamins and hydration to maximise my performance. This also includes cutting down on the fun stuff, alcohol, sweets and treats.
3. Rest, I have to make sure I am getting enough rest and stretching my body while building my core strength.
4. Core strength comes from doing nightly strength training and 1 or two cross training sessions a week of spinning or swimming.
Hopefully, given all of the above I would love to be able to shed another 20 to 30 pounds in the next 8 weeks, so I have less to carry with me on that 26.6 mile run.
I also need to refocus on my fundraising goals, I need to raise a minimum of 2500 for nutrition research, a subject very close to my heart as I have battled with obesity the past 10 years and I want to support nutrition research so my children never have to fight the battles I have fought and am overcoming.
Lastly, I need support, I need encouragement, I need wisdom. Please honk if you see me running, ask me about my running, come do a class with me or run with me, help me fund raise. I need all the support I can get, this is another huge challenge for me to undertake and it starts today. You can support my fundraising by visiting this link, every donation counts, even if you sacrifice one day of a DnD run and donate $5, it all adds up!
http://www.tuftsmarathonchallenge.com/runners/AmandaMcKittrickGonzales
!
1. After I returned, it was soooo cold and I felt like giving myself a 2 week vacation from running, after all, I had trained and worked so hard and earned it, so I felt justified in savoring my accomplishment and relaxing my muscles for a couple of week. Plus with constant snowstorms, my hate of the treadmill and sub 20 degree weather, I was ready for a break.
2. My son, whom I love so much and who has multiple disabilities suffered a downturn and went through a very tough time, forcing the necessity of several doctors appointments and additional attention and love and drain and wear and tear on me. Definitely made me very sad as we worked through helping him get back on track.
3. I then suffered from what was either a nasty three week flu or a chemical pregnancy, either way, for three weeks, I was exhausted, nauseous and overall sick.
This past week , I looked at the calendar and went UH OH! I am running the Boston Marathon in 8 weeks, 8 weeks from today in fact, I need to get on track!!!!
Now for me, running has meant so much to me this past almost full year now and has changed my life in so many ways. I am now a runner and while I know 6 weeks slumps may and will happen, the important thing is that I don't give up. I am never going back to being a sedentary depressed blob. I may still look like a blob, but I am not a sedentary, depressed blob!
I am going to do this and I want to do this, if you believe you can and you commit yourself mentally to a challenge you can and will achieve it.
Last night, I had a talk with myself. No more excuses, no more resting, it is time to take charge, work through the obstacles and get back on track.
That means not just a training change, but of course from now until the marathon, I have to completely change my mental attitude, thinking, and lifestyle.
1. I have to maintain a running schedule of a minimum of three runs a week and a maximum of four, two to three will be shorter runs of 4 to 8 miles and one longer run increasing in distance each week.
2. I have to pay attention to nutrition and that means everything I put in my body. I am training my body to be an efficient performance machine, so that means I have to make sure I am taking in enough lean proteins, fruits, vegetable, vitamins and hydration to maximise my performance. This also includes cutting down on the fun stuff, alcohol, sweets and treats.
3. Rest, I have to make sure I am getting enough rest and stretching my body while building my core strength.
4. Core strength comes from doing nightly strength training and 1 or two cross training sessions a week of spinning or swimming.
Hopefully, given all of the above I would love to be able to shed another 20 to 30 pounds in the next 8 weeks, so I have less to carry with me on that 26.6 mile run.
I also need to refocus on my fundraising goals, I need to raise a minimum of 2500 for nutrition research, a subject very close to my heart as I have battled with obesity the past 10 years and I want to support nutrition research so my children never have to fight the battles I have fought and am overcoming.
Lastly, I need support, I need encouragement, I need wisdom. Please honk if you see me running, ask me about my running, come do a class with me or run with me, help me fund raise. I need all the support I can get, this is another huge challenge for me to undertake and it starts today. You can support my fundraising by visiting this link, every donation counts, even if you sacrifice one day of a DnD run and donate $5, it all adds up!
http://www.tuftsmarathonchallenge.com/runners/AmandaMcKittrickGonzales
!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Go for the Duck
Go for the Duck, Go for the Duck Go for the Duck! That is what I kept telling myself as the sleet and the cold pierced my nose and my ears and my body. It was so dark, it was so crowded. I was suddenly scared. Scared of the sweep buses, scared of the crowds, scared of the walkers, scared of my lack of training the past month due to the weather and the holidays and my own demons. As I approached the first mile marker, I was terrified of getting hurt.
I did not expect to be terrified of getting hurt. However, I had not expected this terrible weather, the sleet and the wet grounds and at mile one I had been zig zagging in and out of walkers and other runners, jumping onto the slick grass and onto the road and dodging plastic bags and other random pieces of clothing that were being tossed in the middle of the road and on the side of the road. People were cutting me off as they passed me, I was cutting people off as I passed them. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? I suddenly felt like I was trapped in my favorite 80's video game frogger!
It is dark, it is wet, it is cold, I am just starting out and I can not run in a straight line, I can not keep my pace and I am terrified I am going to either slip and fall or fall from tripping on a plastic bag in the road or on someones coat and this is breaking my focus. Suddenly I realize I can see in front of me the first glimpse of the Magic Kingdom gates and the sun is starting to rise and now I am facing a new challenge, my emotions and my tears.
I had always been afraid of the sweep buses, but all I could do was start running, run the fastest and hardest I could and GO FOR THE DUCK! I was filled with adrenaline before the race, but did not expect to feel the gut wrenching emotions I was feeling while running. I LOVE DISNEY for so many reasons. I love it for the memories. I cherish my childhood memories of visiting with my father who passed away when I was only 14 of cancer , I cherish Disney because of all of the wonderful vacations we have had with my children and especially with my autistic son. I am so grateful to Disney for their efforts in helping people with disabilities feel excepted and taken care of and valued; something that sadly that is hard to achieve outside of Disney. Most of all I love Disney for helping me to appreciate the important things in life, love, and family and relationships and friends. I know I am getting emotional, but running is emotional for me. At this point, I started gushing and flowing tears of joy, tears of pride, tears of pain, tears of fear, just tears. I had worked so hard for this and when I passed under the Magic Kingdom arches with the monorail tracks at my side, it suddenly hit me for the first time. I am really doing this, it is here.
I know, I am silly, but I had been talking the talk, walking the walk for so many months and now it was really here, this was the moment, this was my moment and at that moment as I passed under the gates, I knew,that I was going to do it.
I wanted to make my kids proud of me, I wanted to inspire other people to reach for goals, to believe the impossible to work for something, chase a dream go after it and feel the joy of accomplishment. Here, I am still a heffalump, an overweight 30 something mom of four and I was running a 13.1 mile course, in the early am, in the sleet in the freezing cold.
At that point, I felt a calm wash over me and I just ran, I did not stop, not for the characters in the Magic Kingdom although I did wave and watch and appreciate them, not for the bathroom, not for when I shed my top two layers, I just ran and ran and ran. I apologize to the poor woman whose coffee I accidentally knocked out of her hand while running up Main street. The road was too narrow and I was again weaving and her cup was over the line and my left elbow caught it and sent it sailing airborne 10 feet in front of me.
I loved running through the Magic Kingdom past the characters, over the train tracks, past the pirate ship by the water parade floats and up past the Grand Floridian. Seeing goofy in his golf cart on the side of the road was fun. Mostly, I was inspired by how many adults and children that were out on the course that early in the morning in the freezing rain and 30 degree weather to cheer for the runners.
The run back to Epcot was long and slow. The dreaded overpass that curved and inclined slowly was painful. But then the most amazing thing happened, I saw Spaceship Earth and the Epcot gate and I knew I had done it. Every long run I had when things got tough, I always imagined the "big ball" as we call it in our family in front of us. To actually know it was there and I was at mile 11 and change and I was approaching it was again a tear invoking experience. Running into Epcot while slipping and sliding on the wet pavement was one memory, I will never forget. Rounding the corner and being startled by a gospel choir before the finish was another memory I will never forget. Crossing the finish line although I know it was trite, I could not help but raise my arms above my head. I DID IT! I proudly walked and claimed my duck.
Then as I stopped running and started walking, I suddenly realized how much my legs began to hurt and thus "mommy robot" as my kids called me for the next several days was born, but Mommy Robot had her duck so the pain was replaced by pride.
I did not expect to be terrified of getting hurt. However, I had not expected this terrible weather, the sleet and the wet grounds and at mile one I had been zig zagging in and out of walkers and other runners, jumping onto the slick grass and onto the road and dodging plastic bags and other random pieces of clothing that were being tossed in the middle of the road and on the side of the road. People were cutting me off as they passed me, I was cutting people off as I passed them. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? I suddenly felt like I was trapped in my favorite 80's video game frogger!
It is dark, it is wet, it is cold, I am just starting out and I can not run in a straight line, I can not keep my pace and I am terrified I am going to either slip and fall or fall from tripping on a plastic bag in the road or on someones coat and this is breaking my focus. Suddenly I realize I can see in front of me the first glimpse of the Magic Kingdom gates and the sun is starting to rise and now I am facing a new challenge, my emotions and my tears.
I had always been afraid of the sweep buses, but all I could do was start running, run the fastest and hardest I could and GO FOR THE DUCK! I was filled with adrenaline before the race, but did not expect to feel the gut wrenching emotions I was feeling while running. I LOVE DISNEY for so many reasons. I love it for the memories. I cherish my childhood memories of visiting with my father who passed away when I was only 14 of cancer , I cherish Disney because of all of the wonderful vacations we have had with my children and especially with my autistic son. I am so grateful to Disney for their efforts in helping people with disabilities feel excepted and taken care of and valued; something that sadly that is hard to achieve outside of Disney. Most of all I love Disney for helping me to appreciate the important things in life, love, and family and relationships and friends. I know I am getting emotional, but running is emotional for me. At this point, I started gushing and flowing tears of joy, tears of pride, tears of pain, tears of fear, just tears. I had worked so hard for this and when I passed under the Magic Kingdom arches with the monorail tracks at my side, it suddenly hit me for the first time. I am really doing this, it is here.
I know, I am silly, but I had been talking the talk, walking the walk for so many months and now it was really here, this was the moment, this was my moment and at that moment as I passed under the gates, I knew,that I was going to do it.
I wanted to make my kids proud of me, I wanted to inspire other people to reach for goals, to believe the impossible to work for something, chase a dream go after it and feel the joy of accomplishment. Here, I am still a heffalump, an overweight 30 something mom of four and I was running a 13.1 mile course, in the early am, in the sleet in the freezing cold.
At that point, I felt a calm wash over me and I just ran, I did not stop, not for the characters in the Magic Kingdom although I did wave and watch and appreciate them, not for the bathroom, not for when I shed my top two layers, I just ran and ran and ran. I apologize to the poor woman whose coffee I accidentally knocked out of her hand while running up Main street. The road was too narrow and I was again weaving and her cup was over the line and my left elbow caught it and sent it sailing airborne 10 feet in front of me.
I loved running through the Magic Kingdom past the characters, over the train tracks, past the pirate ship by the water parade floats and up past the Grand Floridian. Seeing goofy in his golf cart on the side of the road was fun. Mostly, I was inspired by how many adults and children that were out on the course that early in the morning in the freezing rain and 30 degree weather to cheer for the runners.
The run back to Epcot was long and slow. The dreaded overpass that curved and inclined slowly was painful. But then the most amazing thing happened, I saw Spaceship Earth and the Epcot gate and I knew I had done it. Every long run I had when things got tough, I always imagined the "big ball" as we call it in our family in front of us. To actually know it was there and I was at mile 11 and change and I was approaching it was again a tear invoking experience. Running into Epcot while slipping and sliding on the wet pavement was one memory, I will never forget. Rounding the corner and being startled by a gospel choir before the finish was another memory I will never forget. Crossing the finish line although I know it was trite, I could not help but raise my arms above my head. I DID IT! I proudly walked and claimed my duck.
Then as I stopped running and started walking, I suddenly realized how much my legs began to hurt and thus "mommy robot" as my kids called me for the next several days was born, but Mommy Robot had her duck so the pain was replaced by pride.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
I awoke, numb. I am a sleeper. I learned in the last 9 months that I am not a wake up a 5 or 6 and go for a run happy to start my day type of runner. I AM A RUNNING DIVA! I like to run between 9:30am and 11:30am, I like, my coffe, my eggs, my water, my stretching, my shoes just so.
So, let me get this right, I am supposed to tour the parks all day, go to sleep at 8 or so and awake at 2:30 am and leave my room to go run 13.1 miles with the stress of keeping a pace of under 16 minute miles or face being swept by buses and lifelong humiliation? Ummmmmmm, run, can I run for the airport? Can I escape to Miami? I began to be mad at Mickey that day and Donald and all Disney characters, why did sweep buses have to exist? Why did there have to be a time limit? It is not fair, it is evil, it is mean. I hated Disney for doing this, then Pooh gave me a hug, I don't hate Disney, who can hate Disney?
Ok so, ate my last meal at Teppan Edo, has a glass of wine at dinner to relax joked with our nice dinner table sharers about running tomorrow while they stared at me like I belong in the crazy house, maybe I do. Got back to the room at 7:30, put on my running clothes to sleep in, packed my fuel belt with electrolyte mixture and guu gel packs, had my ipod, my number, my layers and layers of clothes, called for a 2am wake up call, set the alarm for a 2:15am buzz put my running sneakers by the door and numbly tried to go to sleep.
I knew it was going to be 28 and sleeting and then freezing rain in the am so I did not expect my husband and four kids to come out to cheer me on, this was my race, my battle. I did not know if I would finish, I told him not to come to the finish because if I got swept, it would be too painful to know he was there waiting for me and I did not want to dissapoint my kids.
I went to sleep and awoke every hour on the hour untill 2am. I headed out the door in a daze and walked in the cold, in the dark to the bus stop. The bus arrived at 2:45am and I boarded, blinking at the LCD display that read 2:45am January 9, 2010. I waited slowly as one at a time bleary eyed runners appeared and boarded the bus intil 3am when the bus promptly departed for Epcot. The bus was playing an eerie mix of music from the monkees to the black eyed peas, I briefly considered whether this soundtrack was meant to be my life flashing before my eyes.
I was surprised when the bus dropped us a mile from the tents, ok this is a nice warmup up in the freezing cold at 3:15am, not!
Got to the race retreat, a heated haven with bagels and coffee, tvs, music and leather couches at 3:35am and met my team co-captains and Deb Wills. We hung out and I annoyingly talked of sweep buses. Race retreat is worth the extra money! Private potties, computers, charcters, private baggage claim, one of the best decisions I made. We went out at 4:45am to meet our other teamates, pose for pics and begin the 1 mile trek in the dark, in the cold to the starting corrals.
So Disney, I have to walk two miles before the start of the 1/2 marathon? Seriously?
I get to the corral G, the last corral and work my way to the front and then the magic starts. You see a video screen with Mickey, Goofy and Minnie in running gear doing exercises, how can you not smile? Music is playing, and suddenly you see fireworks as the first wave starts, not just any fireworks, amazing fireworks. Suddenly the adreneline kicks in. I am going to do this, I can do this. Surrounded by 17 thousand runners, I am excited , I can do this!
I watch the next wave start and more fireworks, and then the next wave and suddenly, it is my turn. My wave starts and I walk another mile to the start! I go gangbusers, in the dark, in the dark, in the cold and the dark and the sleet, dodging over tossed sweatshirts in the road, tossed plastic bags and mittens and gloves and snow and rain and sleet and if that is not enough suddenly I am dodging a sea of walkers. I am suddenly weaving in and out of a labyrinth of walkers trying to run and keep my pace. I am swearing and wondering what the heck are all of these walkers doing ahead of me. suddenly, I am running on the grass, and all I hear in my head is GO FOR THE DUCK!
So, let me get this right, I am supposed to tour the parks all day, go to sleep at 8 or so and awake at 2:30 am and leave my room to go run 13.1 miles with the stress of keeping a pace of under 16 minute miles or face being swept by buses and lifelong humiliation? Ummmmmmm, run, can I run for the airport? Can I escape to Miami? I began to be mad at Mickey that day and Donald and all Disney characters, why did sweep buses have to exist? Why did there have to be a time limit? It is not fair, it is evil, it is mean. I hated Disney for doing this, then Pooh gave me a hug, I don't hate Disney, who can hate Disney?
Ok so, ate my last meal at Teppan Edo, has a glass of wine at dinner to relax joked with our nice dinner table sharers about running tomorrow while they stared at me like I belong in the crazy house, maybe I do. Got back to the room at 7:30, put on my running clothes to sleep in, packed my fuel belt with electrolyte mixture and guu gel packs, had my ipod, my number, my layers and layers of clothes, called for a 2am wake up call, set the alarm for a 2:15am buzz put my running sneakers by the door and numbly tried to go to sleep.
I knew it was going to be 28 and sleeting and then freezing rain in the am so I did not expect my husband and four kids to come out to cheer me on, this was my race, my battle. I did not know if I would finish, I told him not to come to the finish because if I got swept, it would be too painful to know he was there waiting for me and I did not want to dissapoint my kids.
I went to sleep and awoke every hour on the hour untill 2am. I headed out the door in a daze and walked in the cold, in the dark to the bus stop. The bus arrived at 2:45am and I boarded, blinking at the LCD display that read 2:45am January 9, 2010. I waited slowly as one at a time bleary eyed runners appeared and boarded the bus intil 3am when the bus promptly departed for Epcot. The bus was playing an eerie mix of music from the monkees to the black eyed peas, I briefly considered whether this soundtrack was meant to be my life flashing before my eyes.
I was surprised when the bus dropped us a mile from the tents, ok this is a nice warmup up in the freezing cold at 3:15am, not!
Got to the race retreat, a heated haven with bagels and coffee, tvs, music and leather couches at 3:35am and met my team co-captains and Deb Wills. We hung out and I annoyingly talked of sweep buses. Race retreat is worth the extra money! Private potties, computers, charcters, private baggage claim, one of the best decisions I made. We went out at 4:45am to meet our other teamates, pose for pics and begin the 1 mile trek in the dark, in the cold to the starting corrals.
So Disney, I have to walk two miles before the start of the 1/2 marathon? Seriously?
I get to the corral G, the last corral and work my way to the front and then the magic starts. You see a video screen with Mickey, Goofy and Minnie in running gear doing exercises, how can you not smile? Music is playing, and suddenly you see fireworks as the first wave starts, not just any fireworks, amazing fireworks. Suddenly the adreneline kicks in. I am going to do this, I can do this. Surrounded by 17 thousand runners, I am excited , I can do this!
I watch the next wave start and more fireworks, and then the next wave and suddenly, it is my turn. My wave starts and I walk another mile to the start! I go gangbusers, in the dark, in the dark, in the cold and the dark and the sleet, dodging over tossed sweatshirts in the road, tossed plastic bags and mittens and gloves and snow and rain and sleet and if that is not enough suddenly I am dodging a sea of walkers. I am suddenly weaving in and out of a labyrinth of walkers trying to run and keep my pace. I am swearing and wondering what the heck are all of these walkers doing ahead of me. suddenly, I am running on the grass, and all I hear in my head is GO FOR THE DUCK!
Disney Expo
Thursday, January 7, two days before the 1/2, the dawn of the last good night of sleep before the 1/2, the last chance to eat the energy that would fuel my half. I went with my family to the expo, they were all excited, I was numb with fear, with dread, with doubt. I began to fear failure. If I were to fail, if I were to be swept, how could I live with myself? How could I be an example to my children? How could I face everyone that had donated money to my fundraising efforts? The fear of failure was sickening. I had not been sleeping well for the past week and now I was sick with naussea. The expo was big and loud and overstimulating. I was filled with dread and sadly unable to enjoy it, I was too afraid of failure.
I picked up my number, my race retreat bracelet and my shirt and bag, I put blinders on to all of the cool t-shirts, like the ones that said my mom ran the 1/2 or I ran my forst 1/2. I did not want to buy any shirts because if I failed, Iwas a fraud and should not own any of those shirts. I was agin the only fat person walking among all of these fit runners that belonged there, me I did not belong there. How did I get there? Everyone looking at me must be thinking she is going to run this? baaahhhaaahhhaaaahhhahaaa
I walked out speechless and stunned.
I picked up my number, my race retreat bracelet and my shirt and bag, I put blinders on to all of the cool t-shirts, like the ones that said my mom ran the 1/2 or I ran my forst 1/2. I did not want to buy any shirts because if I failed, Iwas a fraud and should not own any of those shirts. I was agin the only fat person walking among all of these fit runners that belonged there, me I did not belong there. How did I get there? Everyone looking at me must be thinking she is going to run this? baaahhhaaahhhaaaahhhahaaa
I walked out speechless and stunned.
December
December brought a business trip, family drama, a lot of holiday stress and family dysfunction and the snow and cold weather. I only averaged one run a week in December and at one point went 12 days without a run. I felt miserable, I felt depressed, convinced I had failed, convinced I could not do this, I had failed, I was nothing but a worthless fat chick with no purpose.
It is hard in Marblehead surrounded by all of the gorgeous and put together perfect mompreneurs. The average size of a mom in Marblehead is -2. Being aheffalump in this town is not easy, nevermind a brown haired brown eyed heffalump with a last name like Gonzales.
It was a combination of lack of time, bad weather, lack of confidence and loss of drive that led to my training demise, I slowly started gaining weight. Yet something in me kept fihting back.
I remember going for a run on xmas eve, I was hosting family for xmas and had tons to do, yet I still made it out for a four mile run on xmas eve, who does that? I still had some fight left in me.
The weather fought back and I tried running on the treadmill, one day, it was that crappy run that convinced me that I think I am a runner, real runners o not like treadmills, they hate them in fact, they call them dreadmills. They take the joy of running and try to squash it. I had to keep fighing back.
I managed three short runs before leaving the 6th more worried than ever about the pace requirement of 16 minute miles.
It is hard in Marblehead surrounded by all of the gorgeous and put together perfect mompreneurs. The average size of a mom in Marblehead is -2. Being aheffalump in this town is not easy, nevermind a brown haired brown eyed heffalump with a last name like Gonzales.
It was a combination of lack of time, bad weather, lack of confidence and loss of drive that led to my training demise, I slowly started gaining weight. Yet something in me kept fihting back.
I remember going for a run on xmas eve, I was hosting family for xmas and had tons to do, yet I still made it out for a four mile run on xmas eve, who does that? I still had some fight left in me.
The weather fought back and I tried running on the treadmill, one day, it was that crappy run that convinced me that I think I am a runner, real runners o not like treadmills, they hate them in fact, they call them dreadmills. They take the joy of running and try to squash it. I had to keep fighing back.
I managed three short runs before leaving the 6th more worried than ever about the pace requirement of 16 minute miles.
Catching up
Hey,
So I have to apologize about my lack of blogging, I guess I suffered a bit of blog stage fright coming into the home stretch. My training was going strong into thanksgiving, but then the craze of two business trips, the holidays, the emotinal drain of the holidays took their toll and my training came to a dramatic halt on December 6. December 6 was the morning of my 10 mile qualifying run for the Boston marathon Tufts challenge number. I awoke at 6am to a snow storm and almost went back to bed, but that same force that has been driving me, told me I would regret this decision. I put on my running clothes and headed down to Medford, sat in my car wondering what the heck I was doing. I am nuts, I am crazy, am I really going to run on the icy, snowy streets, in the 30 degree weather for god knows how long since I am the slowest and fatest runner on the planet? Why am I doing this? I am not good enough, not strong enough, not fast enough, not worth it. Right?
Then I head into the gym and it gets worse. I am the only fat person in the room everyone else is young and beautiful and perky and thin and we head out and I am dejected. I line up, freezing and not knowing why start running before long, I am the only one left running alone everyone ahead of me, we had been told police would help block traffic for tough intersections, but since I was so far behind, I was on my own, no police lagged behind to help me. This was a tough and long run, I battled demons and self confidence issues the whole run, but somehow powered through, it was hard, tough and long, but I finished, I qualified. I almost feel like the head of the team hoped I would not because I sucked so much with my time, but I did.
That was my last long run and last real training run before the half. The start of my downward spiral before th 1/2.
So I have to apologize about my lack of blogging, I guess I suffered a bit of blog stage fright coming into the home stretch. My training was going strong into thanksgiving, but then the craze of two business trips, the holidays, the emotinal drain of the holidays took their toll and my training came to a dramatic halt on December 6. December 6 was the morning of my 10 mile qualifying run for the Boston marathon Tufts challenge number. I awoke at 6am to a snow storm and almost went back to bed, but that same force that has been driving me, told me I would regret this decision. I put on my running clothes and headed down to Medford, sat in my car wondering what the heck I was doing. I am nuts, I am crazy, am I really going to run on the icy, snowy streets, in the 30 degree weather for god knows how long since I am the slowest and fatest runner on the planet? Why am I doing this? I am not good enough, not strong enough, not fast enough, not worth it. Right?
Then I head into the gym and it gets worse. I am the only fat person in the room everyone else is young and beautiful and perky and thin and we head out and I am dejected. I line up, freezing and not knowing why start running before long, I am the only one left running alone everyone ahead of me, we had been told police would help block traffic for tough intersections, but since I was so far behind, I was on my own, no police lagged behind to help me. This was a tough and long run, I battled demons and self confidence issues the whole run, but somehow powered through, it was hard, tough and long, but I finished, I qualified. I almost feel like the head of the team hoped I would not because I sucked so much with my time, but I did.
That was my last long run and last real training run before the half. The start of my downward spiral before th 1/2.
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