Catching up

Hey,
So I have to apologize about my lack of blogging, I guess I suffered a bit of blog stage fright coming into the home stretch. My training was going strong into thanksgiving, but then the craze of two business trips, the holidays, the emotinal drain of the holidays took their toll and my training came to a dramatic halt on December 6. December 6 was the morning of my 10 mile qualifying run for the Boston marathon Tufts challenge number. I awoke at 6am to a snow storm and almost went back to bed, but that same force that has been driving me, told me I would regret this decision. I put on my running clothes and headed down to Medford, sat in my car wondering what the heck I was doing. I am nuts, I am crazy, am I really going to run on the icy, snowy streets, in the 30 degree weather for god knows how long since I am the slowest and fatest runner on the planet? Why am I doing this? I am not good enough, not strong enough, not fast enough, not worth it. Right?

Then I head into the gym and it gets worse. I am the only fat person in the room everyone else is young and beautiful and perky and thin and we head out and I am dejected. I line up, freezing and not knowing why start running before long, I am the only one left running alone everyone ahead of me, we had been told police would help block traffic for tough intersections, but since I was so far behind, I was on my own, no police lagged behind to help me. This was a tough and long run, I battled demons and self confidence issues the whole run, but somehow powered through, it was hard, tough and long, but I finished, I qualified. I almost feel like the head of the team hoped I would not because I sucked so much with my time, but I did.

That was my last long run and last real training run before the half. The start of my downward spiral before th 1/2.