December

December brought a business trip, family drama, a lot of holiday stress and family dysfunction and the snow and cold weather. I only averaged one run a week in December and at one point went 12 days without a run. I felt miserable, I felt depressed, convinced I had failed, convinced I could not do this, I had failed, I was nothing but a worthless fat chick with no purpose.

It is hard in Marblehead surrounded by all of the gorgeous and put together perfect mompreneurs. The average size of a mom in Marblehead is -2. Being aheffalump in this town is not easy, nevermind a brown haired brown eyed heffalump with a last name like Gonzales.

It was a combination of lack of time, bad weather, lack of confidence and loss of drive that led to my training demise, I slowly started gaining weight. Yet something in me kept fihting back.

I remember going for a run on xmas eve, I was hosting family for xmas and had tons to do, yet I still made it out for a four mile run on xmas eve, who does that? I still had some fight left in me.

The weather fought back and I tried running on the treadmill, one day, it was that crappy run that convinced me that I think I am a runner, real runners o not like treadmills, they hate them in fact, they call them dreadmills. They take the joy of running and try to squash it. I had to keep fighing back.

I managed three short runs before leaving the 6th more worried than ever about the pace requirement of 16 minute miles.