A Fleeting Thought of Quitting

So, this morning I repeated the same routine I have for the past three days. I convinced myself the night before that I would be setting the alarm for 5am and jumping out of bed and either heading to the gym for a swim or to the roads for a run. I have been alternating running every other day and swimming. Every morning I hear the alarm and fumble for the snooze and continue to hit snooze in a semi conscious state until 6:30am when my husband laughs at me as I make the joke that I actually went for a run at 3am and that I am now just waking up after sneaking back into bed at 4:30am, but forgot to turn off the alarm. I apparently have a hard time waking up at 5am to go to work out. The result of this is that my morning gets shot as I work out after school dropoff and have to torture my youngest in the Y babysitting room while I deal with that guilt throughout my workout. Then I am recovering and stretching while the baby naps until preschool pickup.


This morning I decided to step on the scale, it has been almost a week since I did this and surely I have lost another 10 pounds by now. I have been exercising every day for 30-60 minutes. I have been vigilant about my diet and have avoided excess sweets and Excess alcohol. What drinks do skinny peaople drink anyway? I have eaten nothing fried and not induldged in anything white or containing too many carbs. I have worked hard!! I step on the scale and immediately step off and back on again. This cannot be right, no way. Then I begin to scream at my scale WHAT THE ^$%*&&*)(_(*)(*&!!!!!!! I HAVE NOT LOST ONE EXTRA POUND!!!!!!!!

How can this be possible, what have I been killing myself for????? At that moment I could almost smell an extra cheese and large peperoni pizza and a bottle of wine. Why am I doing this if my body is just goingto be fat forever. I thought everyone told me eat less and move more and the pounds will come off. I FELT LIKE QUITTING.

I regathered myslf and reminded myself of how good my heart has been feeling and how much clearer my skin looks and of the committment I had made and reminded myself that this is a challenge that I cannot and will not fail at. This is important, vital to my future health and ability to be there for my children as they travel their journey through life.

I went to the gym after dropoff, dropped the baby in the dreaded sitting room, went upstairs and ran the best two miles I have run yet. It felt good. It felt triumphant. Hopefully those pounds will start falling off soon, but I feel like I overcame a demon today and dug dowm deep and found the courage to keep going.

Maybe I just need a new scale???????