A Journey from Heffalump to Pixie

10 Changes I have been making to try to lose weight and be healthy and not go insane or get depressed in the process!

2011-04-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

1. I am eating out less and cooking from scratch more. You would not believe the stack of dishes I have every night and the mess and chaos this causes.

2. I am making sure I bring a healthy snack with me whenever I leave the house, whether it be a banana, a small bag of nuts or a Weight watchers cheese stick so that if I get hungry and I am stuck at soccer, dance ect. I will not reach for that slice of pizza although I really want that slice of pizza. Marblehead House of Pizza, I miss you!

3. I have been trying to move and exercise every day. I have been spinning 3-5 times a week and walking on the off days with Daisy. Thank goodness for the amazing spin instructors at the YMCA that make me sweat and want to cry from the pain!

4. I think about everything I put in my mouth, no mindless eating anymore. I used to pick everything off my kids plates and then eat my dinner, which was always some form of takeout.

5. I have been looking at myself in the mirror if I feel tempted to stray, I never used to look in the mirror.

6. I always make sure I have and this will sound silly, but I always have in my fridge a plain rotisserie or home roasted chicken, salsa and low fat weight watcher cheese. When in a pinch put some chicken on a plate, and sprinkle with cheese and then top with salsa, it is a quick fix to hunger attacks and dinner on the run between the 4 kids insane schedules.

7. I have been food shopping every week planning my meals and buying a new fruit or vegetable or meat or fish every week to experiment with. Boredom with your food will lead to disaster.

8. I am allowing myself to eat the food I used to love when I feel the need, I just eat a smaller portion. My husband, the rail who eats whatever he wants with no consequences, and I went out to the Barnacle to watch the Celtics, we ordered wings and I had two and then asked for extra celery. Still enjoyed my wings, just less of them.

9. I am attending a weight watcher meeting once a week and weighing in.

10. I am blogging and sharing on facebook to make myself accountable, it takes a village to make a pixie!

What are you doing to make healthy choices?

Adventures in Spinning and the Nasty Gnomes

2011-03-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

There is that saying that you have to hit rock bottom to want to climb back up. I am currently standing at the bottom of a sheer rock wall with no chinks I can see for hand or foot holds, no ropes to climb, no elevators or escalators. the only way I can climb this wall is with sheer guts, hard work, sacrifice, commitment and determination.

I will share, I am 5'3, 38 years old and I weigh a whopping 234! Gasp! Awful, terrible, but I am putting it out there for anyone who might be reading this that feels like they have let themselves go to the point that there is no hope left even trying. I am going to try. Watch me! I am so upset and disgusted! I want that scale to say 134.

SO, I have heard that spinning is a great workout and burns calories. I need both. I tried spinning on Tuesday, and OMG talk about humiliation!

The pros:
Fantatic loud music
Dark room
No one looks at me this get Many points
Everyone is sweaty and smelly just like me
I can go at my own pace
Nice intructors that tell you to go at your own pace

The cons:
The Gnomes
It kills
It is so hard you want to cry
The humiliation

Ok so the Pros outweigh the cons because the cons as you can see is just me whining. There is no whining at rock bottom allowed if you want to climb that wall.

The Gnomes you might ask what are they? Well, you may have experienced this, when you try to do a lift on the bike you suddenly feel, or I do, a sharp stabbing pain in your quads as if someone has stabbed a knife into them. It is the Gnomes, the spinning Gnomes! They live in the spin room and torture all people that come in there and stab their quads with Gnome knifes when they do a lift. Ok, maybe not, maybe the Gnomes are just a story, I created to make myself feel better about my pathetic quads.

The short of it, is that there are more pros than cons. Now I am a pathetic spinner, it is humiliating, but if I want to get out of lumpy state, I have to let myself feel humiliated or I won't try. I love that it is in a dark room, it really allows you to focus on yourself and get in a sort of spinning zen. I love that you can do it at your own pace. Everyone else is doing all the lifts, but I do what I can and it is OK and no one is looking at me, it is in the dark and they are all in too much pain too. I can adjust my tension my way. There are no numbers, so you don't feel badly about yourself if your cranking it up is different that the perfect skinny person next to you.

Does it hurt, yep. After both classes have I felt like I might puke, collapse and have my legs not be able to walk. But, it feels good, because it is a workout. A workout I need.

I highly recommend spinning and I am going to continue it Tuesday and Thursday at 9:30am at the Y. Come join me!!

Watch out for those Gnomes though, they are nasty and mean!

Lumpy has a new workout plan!

2011-03-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

I have a new routine that is reasonable for me to follow, so I am going to work on following it to see if I can maximise weight loss by varying my activities and working all sorts of different muscles. I want to strength train at the same time that I am doing different cardiovascular workouts. Of course at the same time I am working on my nutrition and intake. I am trying to increase my protein, eat more green eat less starch, cut down sugar and sob alcohol, yada yada.

Here is my proposed schedule:

Monday: walk/run 5 miles
Tuesday: Spin class
Wednesday: walk/run 5 miles
Thursday: Spin class
Friday: walk/run 5miles
Saturday:swim
Sunday: long run

Every day that I can, I am going to try to mix in a P90x tape for strength training, really need to strengthen my core. Still considering whether it is worth it to invest in a trainer to help me jump start this core strength. I need s Jillian to kick my butt!

I am starting off slow and by that I mean walking rather than diving into running every time, because I want to drop weight to reduce the pounding of all that extra weight on my joints and honestly, for my muscles, walking 5 miles right now is a great workout and makes them sore.

If anyone wants to join me for any or the above, please come! The walking days, I will have Daisy too!

I am looking forward to seeing if all this activity helps me drop the weight as I have a lot to drop, sigh.

First race on the books is April 10, either a 5 miler in Marblehead or a 5k in NH depending on things out of my control or if Bella dances that day neither!

10 Reasons You Might Suspect You Are A Runner

2011-03-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

I am a runner which by my definition means that I run as my hobby and one of my sports and that I enjoy it. I am a slow and overweight runner with no style form or pizazz, but I am still a runner. I have been known to be passed at races by people walking, by men and women older than 80 and once by a woman who was running on crutches with only one leg, but I do consider myself a runner. It is also always easy to find my standings in any race I run, just go to the bottom of the results and start from there, you should find my name within the first 3 names, but alas, I am still a runner and PROUD OF IT!

Are you a runner? Here are the top 10 Reasons according to me, that you mights suspect you are a runner.

10. When doing your taxes, you add up how much money you have spent on races, running sneakers, GU, Band aids, Running clothes, sunglasses, hats, hydration belts, ect. and gasp when you realize it all totals in the thousands. You remember when you convinced your partner and friends and family that you were picking up running as a hobby because it was an inexpensive hobby that required no equipment.

9. When driving or walking if you see another runner go by you stare at them to the point where you almost walk into a tree or veer or the road; checking out everything about them from their gait to their sneakers. You wonder what their pace is, which training plan they follow if they cross train and if you have seen them before at any races. Yep, admit it, you have done this if you are a runner.

8. When you hear a new peppy song on the radio, you envision yourself running to that song and go download it from itunes onto your ipod.

7. In your spare time, you visit the site http://www.coolrunning.com/ and plot out and register for your next races. You also check for races in other towns you might be visiting, just in case you can squeeze one in.

6. You know what PR means and you can easily tell someone what yours' is if asked.

5. You can hold a conversation for 30-45 minutes on the art of hydration!

4. You are constantly thinking about your next run and do things like take drives, just to map out and measure new routes.

3. You have a ridiculous number of t-shirts in your closet from races you have collected.

2. You dream about medals.

1. You do crazy things like get up at 3am to go run in the dark, in the cold, in the snow, in the rain, in the heat in the humidity and you like it!

I would say that if you said yes to any of the above you are a runner in my definition, now get out there and go run!

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be!

2011-03-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

2 years ago, I made a life altering decision. I realized I was obese, unhealthy, a couch potato. I had let myself go. To my credit, it was not like I had nothing to do. I had had 4 children in 6 years, one who is severely disabled by Autism. My husband was finishing his residency board requirements and working full time, so I was essentially a single parent. All of this stress and toll led to me being 100 pounds overweight. I signed up for the Disney 2010 1/2 marathon, joined an amazing running team, Team All Ears Running with Purpose and starting working on changing my life.

If you had asked me 2 years ago where I would be today, I would have told you that I would be a pixie by now and running sub 10 minutes miles and probably have done about 2 iron mans by now. Well, I have made incredible progress, lost 40 pounds, gained 20 back, run countless races including 1 marathon and 2 half marathons, changed my family's entire eating habits and gotten us all more active in general.

Here is the big Question. Am I a pixie? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It is very frustrating.

This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be!

When I cam up with the blog name A Journey at that time I really thought it would be more like a quick skip or a run, but it has in fact turned out to be a journey.

Am I giving up? No Way! I am more determined and resolved than ever. I know that due responsibilities for my children and family and my career, that sometimes, well actually a lot this past year, my exercise has had to take a step back. However, with spring here and my frustration level high, I am going to continue this journey and focus on my progress and the progress I have made on my journey.

Please keep sending me support and I promise I will be more accountable with consistent training, more weight loss and more blog posts!

The Belly Blob

2010-07-27T04:42:00.001-07:00

Why is it that you don't realize how really far gone you have let yourself go, until you really start paying attention to your body and finally start losing weight and them it smacks you in your face like walking into a brick wall with spiky nails sticking out.

Well, I am so mad about my belly blob. Disgusting I know, but it is all I can think about all day. I hate the feeling when I sit down and I feel the blob, I hate when I run, it jiggles, I hate everything about my stomach and have fantasies about tummy tucks and lipo, but I am going to do this the hard way through diet and exercise. I never realized how many inches I could actually pinch on my stomach until I started paying attention a few months ago. Now that my waist and my arms and my legs have been shrinking, my belly blog is more pronounced.

Anyone else have this problem? I am dreaming of a flat, hard stomach, so I will keep working on my diet.

Had a bad eating day yesterday, when you can say you ate pizza, some fries and some chips in the same day, ouch, it was a rough one, but today is a new day!

Ran 5 miles yesterday and that officially kicked off my training for the Salem wicked half marathon and the Boston 1/2 marathon, trying to decide if I am going to run the goofy in January or not, maybe I will create a poll.

Have to kick off my fundraising for breast cancer, please share any creative idea you have for me for fundraising.

Back to work, this weight loss thing is a full time job.

The Belly Blob

2010-07-27T04:42:00.000-07:00

More Recipies

2010-05-23T04:59:00.001-07:00

Here are some more recipes, that we have made. I try to cook with all the kids since they are more likely to try it of they have helped to make it.

Zuchinni Pancakes

2-3 zuchinnis shredded
low fat cheese
a few tablespoons of whole wheat flour
olive oil
salt and pepper
scoop of flax and wheat germ
2 eggs

You can really make this with lots of veggies and sweet potatoes, summer squash, eggplant, broccoli, cauliflower, ect.

Shred the zucchinis and press out extra moisture, mix with flour, cheese, salt and pepper, flour, flax and wheat germ and eggs, mix all together. In a pan on medium high heat, put is a swirl of olive oil, they do not need to deep fry. Form small pancakes and fry on either side until brown.

Easy sauce that is good for dipping meat, veggies and pancakes in.
Plain greek yogurt
Fresh basil
Fresh minced garlic
Lemon juice
salt and pepper

Chop basil and minced garlic and mix with a few scoops of greek yogurt to make a delicious side sauce.

You can also substitute herbs, for example if you grill peaches or pineapple for a dessert you could mix with fresh mint and a squirt of honey instead for a delicious topping.

Crunchy Chicken

Chicken tenders
Whole Wheat Panko Crumbs
Eggs
Whole Wheat Flour
salt and pepper

Set up the dipping station, fill one container with whole wheat Flour seasoned with salt and pepper, one with two beaten eggs and one with panko crumbs

Take eat chicken tender and dip in the flour to coat, then the egg, then the panko crumbs. The kids love to do this!!!

Then bake on a sheet in a 375 oven for 20-30 minutes and you have crunchy chicken!!

Sliders

The possibilities are endless for sliders, you can use ground bison, beef, sirloin, chicken or turkey. You can add spinach, onions, peppers, cheeses, tomatoes, shredded broccoli, really anything. This is what we made and they were delicious!

Ground beef 90%
scoop of wheat germ and flax
1 egg
low fat shredded cheddar
spinach

Mix all the ingredients together in a bowl and using a slider make press the tiny burgers into shape. Then grill on a grill pan and serve, easy, simple and yummy.

Get creative!

Home made Mac and Cheese

Cooked whole wheat pasta of your choice.
small pat of kates butter
low fat shredded cheddar cheese
salt and pepper
nutmeg
skim milk

Put the cooked pasta in a baking dish and preheat oven to 375.
In a saucepan, melt the butter, cheese and milk together and season with nutmeg, salt and pepper. When all melted together pour over the pasta, you can top with panko crumbs for a crunchy top and bake for 20 minutes.

Spinach salad and grilled shrimp

shrimp
seasoning of choice, some ideas, old bay, cajun, salt and peppper, ect.
lemon

Spinach
walnuts
dried cranberries
red onions
garlic
olive oil
balsamic

Coast the shrimp in seasoning of choice and grill in a grill pan until cooked and then squeeze fresh lemon juice at the end.

Toss spinach leaves, walnuts, diced red onion and dried cranberries with minced garlic, olive oil and balsamic. Top with the grilled shrimp and enjoy!

Recipies

2010-05-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

Some friends have been asking me for recipes. Where have I been getting them and can I post them. I have to admit that I have loved cooking and food for a long time. I just never realized that I had been eating the wrong way and that it had been hurting me and my family. I love to cook, but have always had an infant or toddler calling, I often did not from pure exhaustion and lack of being an octopus. I have been reading cookbooks and watching food tv for year, so I kind of have a rough idea of lots of recipes in my head. I have to mention that much like my fave chef Rachael Ray, I do not measure so please forgive me when I say a bit of that and a bunch of this or a squirt of that.

I have leaned a lot in the past few weeks. I have learned that my kitchen was so ill equipped for regular cooking. I had no mixing bowls, no storage containers, not enough cooking pans, so I have been shopping a lot the past few weeks, but as I told , my husband, I have not ordered out breakfast or lunch or take out in 3 weeks, that is a huge savings! Anyway, let's go meal by meal with the recipes I have made so far.

A few things I have learned this week, I have to go to the supermarket several times a week. I have to plan my meals so I do not overspend and waste. I need to shop at multiple supermarkets to maximize savings.

I have also learned that every meal needs to be a balance between complex carbs, veggies, fruit, protein and dairy. So for example don't just eat a fried egg, eat it on wheat toast with mushrooms and light cheese with strawberries.

Breakfast

For the kids.
Gabe loves oatmeal, I have been buying the organic microwave packs although my goal is to switch to heating all natural on the stove, I have been adding flax and wheat germ.

Gabe and Bella's love yogurt parfaits. We take Stoneyfield yogurt in a bowl add fresh fruit, flax and wheat germ and top with granola.

Bella and Amelia love egg sandwiches. I take one egg and fry it with Pam and toast a whole wheat English muffin and a slice of organic cheddar cheese and serve.

They also love cheerios and the bunnies organic cereal with fresh fruit.

We have also been making smoothies everyday.

Fresh bananas, vanilla greek yogurt, skim milk, flax and wheat germ and frozen pineapples, blueberries, strawberries have been the faves so far.

For me for breakfast, I have been doing a slice of Ezekiel toast with one egg and one egg white with veggies of some sort, spinach, mushrooms tomatoes, salsa and gucac. So yummy and keeps me full all morning.

Snacks

We have been snacking on fresh fruit, yogurt, seeds, nuts, dried fruit and fresh veggies, will also add popcorn popped plain to the mix.

Lunch

For the kids, it has often been peanut butter and nutella on whole wheat or grilled cheese or english muffin pizzas or dinner leftovers with fresh fruit and yogurt.

For me, I love greek yogurt so I have been doing greek yogurt with fresh fruit and flax and wheat germ and some fresh veggies.

Sometimes, I do leftover dinner.

I have also made a chicken salad and tuna salad to have for quick pitas with tomato and spinach.

Chicken salad
Fresh chicken grilled or roasted and cut into cubes.
Diced celery
Halved red grapes
salt and pepper to taste
herb of choice, basil, thyme, tarragon, chives
Greek yogurt
green apples diced
Sliced almonds or walnuts
Lemon juice

Mix all ingredients to taste. Refrigerate and serve, yummy!

Tuna salad
Same as the above, but with tuna packed in water and add a dash of olive oil and also hot sauce.

Salmon salad
Canned salmon and same as above

Dinner
Waldorf salad side
Diced green apples and red grapes
chives chopped
salt and pepper,
lemon juice
sliced almonds or walnuts
greek yogurt
Mix all together and yum for a week

Greek pasta salad
While wheat spaghetti cooked
Olive oil
salt and pepper
basil
feta cheese
grape tomatoes halved
cucumber diced
feta cheese
green olives
diced red onion
diced walnuts
spinach
dried cranberries

Vinaigrette
oven roasted garlic cloves, olive oil, balsamic vinegar

Toss everything together and enjoy!

Yummiest Pizza

Whole foods whole grain dough
Spinach
walnuts
cranberries
diced red onions
caramelized onions
oven roasted garlic
shredded goat cheese

Bake crust for 15 minutes in 400 oven
Add all ingredients
Bake for 20 more minutes, yum

More to come

The first shot at the Revolution

2010-05-17T05:54:00.000-07:00

How do you start a Food Revolution for your family?

First you have to empower yourself with knowledge. My empowerment had started with Jamie Oliver and with the Juice Plus presentation. Next, you have to resolve yourself to change. I hear so many people saying, "Oh, I don't have time" or "Oh it is too much work" and I understand, I used to be like that. However, our children don't have a voice or the power to make the change, they are told to eat what we serve them and we usually do not give them a choice. I decided that I needed to work harder to make those choices real food and healthy options for them.

It has not been easy so far, but it has been rewarding. My kids are enjoying cooking and trying new foods they never have before. Yes, there has been a lot of whining about McDonald's and such, but I have told them we will make our own healthy version of a McDonald's happy meal together!

How did I actually go through the process in my house?
I went to the book store looking for some books about nutrition and cooking books for healthy whole food eating and I found The Eating Clean Diet by Tosca Rena. This book has become an incredible resource for me on everything from supplements, to ideas for feeding your family, to what to put in your pantry. It provides shopping lists and recipe ideas and motivation. I have also found her web pages and facebook pages and she is providing the fresh ideas and support you need to change.

The concept is simple, you eat food. Not processed food, not prepackaged food, not chemical filled, food dyed and colored food, just food. Ok, I hear the groans, "that is impossible right"? Not really. "Oh, it is way more expensive, we can't afford that!" You can with planning. I used to go out and shop and then never plan and throw away tons of food that went bad before I had a chance to cook it. Now I am planning my meals and making more trips to the grocery store and buying only what we need, not what I think we need.

I will be honest there was a bit of an expense getting started. I had to buy some new cooking pans and storage containers from Marshalls and I have been slowly replacing my pantry items. However, this is being offset by the fact that last week we did not order out food three nights like we used too. I did not stop for an egg and cheese sandwich five days a week, I made my own. I also fed the kids lunch at home and packed their lunches. With those changes, I think I paid it off.

We will still go out to eat. This past Saturday we went to the Barnacle and it was very easy to eat clean for me. I let the kids order off the kids menu and have a dessert as treat, I have told them that when we are out to dinner or at friends houses they can make their own choices. Hopefully by eating 99% of the time at home, they will eventually start to make the right choices when out. Anyway, I had steamed crab legs for an appetizer, no butter, I squeezed fresh lemon instead and for an entree I had grilled salmon over greens with balsamic vinegar.

Back to the process. I started by going through my pantry and removing anything that had ingredients that included corn syrup, fructose, words I did not understand, food coloring, white flour, trans fats, and anything partially hydrogenated. I FILLED UP 8 BAGS!!! You would not believe what corn syrup is in!

Ritz crackers
microwave popcorn
pretzels
ketchup
BBQ sauce
granola bars
cake mixes
frostings
apple sauce
peanut butter
Jelly
bread
kids smoothies and yogurts

Just to name a few things, before you pay $$$ for something in a store, READ THE INGREDIENTS!!!

I spent a few hours in Trader Joes and Whole Foods, looking for healthier replacement options. For example, I replaced Ritz crackers with Whole Foods brand made with whole wheat flour. My kids did not notice the difference! The kids were so used to seeing certain labels and boxes, so I bought a bunch of clear containers to store the food, so they just see the food, not the packaging.

I replaced our mustards and ketchups and some marinades, I found new healthier replacement options for most items and bought whole wheat pasta and bread and wheat flour.

The most important resource so far has been sharing this journey with friends on facebook, because I have been learning from other people who have gone through this and our living healthier lives.

More to come....

I found

Food Revolution

2010-05-16T04:37:00.001-07:00

April 2009, I learned I was clinically obese, 100 pounds overweight. I had been a college athlete, a field hockey national team member in my teens, how could this happen? I had let the stress and the demands of having four young children, one with a severe disability and a husband who works in a demanding career overshadow my health. I had let myself go and suddenly I was told by my doctor how serious a problem this was.

I had a choice to make. Do I continue on this path of self destruction and obesity leading me to diabetes, heart disease and cancer and a promise of an early death? Or, do I dig down deep, fight hard to lose weight and get fit?

I Chose the fight. That is when I registered for the Disney 1/2 marathon, joined the most incredible and supportive running team, Team Allears and began to exercise and run.

April 2010, one 1/2 marathon, one full marathon and several 5k's, a 10k and other races later, I went back to see my Doctor for my yearly physical. I felt fit and wonderful, but recognized the little voice on my shoulder that had been nagging at me mile 18 to 26.2 during the Boston Marathon. The voice had been saying in an annoyingly naggy voice similar to the way mothers say, "I told you so". "You are carrying all this extra weight and it is slowing you down because you did not eat properly"

I had worked out frequently the past year, changed my eating habits slightly, but had not lost a significant amount of weight. If I was lighter, I would run faster, it would be easier, I would be healthier. In my mind I thought I had lost around 40 pounds and was slapped in the face when I realized I had only lost 20 pounds.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????

How could this be possible? I run hard 3-4 times a week, I run for hours at a time. My doctor was proud of me and told me not to give up and to keep working, he told me, "You have the exercise part down, now you need to work on the diet. He told me to really think about what I was feeding my body. Keep fighting.

I walked out of the office and starting thinking about what I eat. I usually ate scrambled eggs with cheese and coffee for breakfast, a sandwich of some some sort for lunch, and for dinner takeout, often. I really had not been eating well or making smart choices, I would eat off the kids plates, I would regularly eat chips and salsa, Chinese food at night or pizza with my husband was typical.

On a side note he never gains weight. GRRRRRRRR

Ok focus back to me.

A friend of mine had been telling me about Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution after I had inquired online about what the school lunch Maxi Cheese Stick was all about. I started watching his show and it changed the way I look at food. As a family we have not been eating food, we have been eating processed crap. We have been drinking milk with hormones, we have been eating meat and eggs treated with hormones and antibiotics, we eat too much sugar, too little food.

A few nights later, I attended a presentation given by Juice Plus. A supplement you can take as adults and give to your children. They pick the fruits and vegetables straight from the vine and flash freeze and compound them and put them into gummies for the children and capsules for the adults. When you take them it ensures that you and your children are getting the 7 servings of fruits and vegetables daily that your body requires. It is FDA approved and endorsed by Dr. Sears and countless others.

A few things stuck in my head as I listened to this presentation.

1. I have not only been doing this to myself, I have been feeding my children in an inappropriate way, by serving processed food at home with too much sugar and corn syrup. I though we had been eating healthy since they did not have sugar cereals and pop tarts, but you would not believe what corn syrup is in.

2. This present generation of children have a shorter length life expectancy due to improper nutrition resulting in earlier onset of diabetes, cancer and heart disease.

3. The number of Young children being diagnosed with Diabetes under age 10 and obesity by age 12 is alarming.

4. An enormous amount of money is spent every year trying to find ways to cure cancer when in fact the only way to really cure cancer is to work on prevention.

5. I learned that corn syrup is a processed form of sugar that is dangerous to the body and that since the body does not know how to digest it, it stores it as fat. White flour has no nutritional value. Anything with hydrogenated and trans fat is unhealthy.

I decided at that point that I needed to start my own personal food revolution. It is no wonder why I have not lost more weight, I had been exercising, but that is only one small part 80% of weight loss is what you feed your body, your nutrition.

When I decide to do something I usually go hard core, I came back that night determined to make some serious lifestyle changes.

Boston Marathon Part 2

2010-04-21T03:35:00.000-07:00

Momenesia, as a mom of 4, I certainly understand momnesia. It is the feeling you get anywhere from 6 hours to 6 weeks post delivery. You suddenly forget the pain of labor and the discomfort of pregnancy and all you can remember is the beauty and the love of this adorable perfect creature that you created staring back at you and despite how many times you have sworn during pregnancy and perhaps screamed during labor pains, "I will never do this again, so don't even ask me" to your husband or partner you know that you might do it again. Because again, pain and discomfort is temporary, but the end result is permanent and worth all of the pain and the suffering in the world.

Why am I talking about childbirth and momnesisa in my marathon post? Because I have a new syndrome called Marathonesia. I suffer from it.

I have been a runner for 1 year of my 37 years now and of course I want my husband to cross that line and come run with me. He keeps protesting stating that he has no time, that he has a knee injury, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, while we were discussing the merits of running the other night he told me that people either finish a marathon swearing they will never do it again or begging for more. I insisted that I would be begging for more.

Let me tell you that at heartbreak hill, I was screaming to myself, "I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!" It was so painful and long and disappointing. I was disappointed in myself that I could not run the whole way. I was disappointed in the marathon organizers that they had taken down all of the aid stations and tracking times and mileage signs earlier than they said that they would. I was angry that they let charity runners run and did not provide them with support. I was angry with the spectators that they only stayed to support and cheer runners than ran 12 minutes miles or less, there were more charity runners behind me lonely and alone doing this with no support and it made me mad and sad and frustrated.

I had been told, it will be incredible, the spectators get you through. The spectators were there in Hopkington and in Ashland, but once I got to Natick and I was still running about 1 14 mile pace there everyone had gone. Thank goodness for the Tufts gang that were there along with Nik and the kids to still cheer. The crews were cleaning up the water and aid stations, it was as if I did not matter, as if the money I had raised did not count because I was not fast enough. This was painful to experience and hurtful and I am sure some people might have dropped out of the race because of this. It was even difficult once I crossed into Wellesley to figure out which way the course went, but thankfully I followed the trash.

I had resigned myself that morning that I would not quit, I was going to do this. I got 52 texts of support and I had read every one of them and those words from friends and teammates and from facebook posts and the dream of seeing my kids at the finish would not let me quit, nothing mattered but finishing even if it was 10 at night even if I had to crawl. I WOULD NOT QUIT.

So, I kept going, alone and deep inside me, I keep thinking, I am never going to do this again. By the time I got to Boston College, I was severely dehydrated, I could feel the salt on my face, I had not gone to the bathroom or felt the need sine 8am and it was now 5pm or so, my phone was dead and there were no aid stations to be found. I suddenly thought that maybe I Should have brought money to buy water, and hoped that if I did collapse, some nice bystander would call 911 for me.

I found a bottle of water in the curb of a street and it was unopened, I normally would never do this, but when you are that thirsty, I had nothing to lose. I opened it and downed it. A few steps down the road there were cups of gatorade on the street left by some sympathetic water station. I sniffed to make sure no jokster BC students had spiked them and them downed a few. I finally began to perk up by Cleveland circle and then I met up with my friends and it all got a lot better from there.

What is the point of my rambling? MARATHONESIA. I was stunned when I finished and as soon as that medal was placed around my neck. Woosh, all of the pain, all of the suffering, all of the anger and the hurt feelings and the shame were replaced by bliss and pride and yearning. I was so thankful to my coach who waited for me and did not come looking for me, he had confidence that I would show.

I WANT TO DO MORE MARATHONS AND I WANT TO DO BETTER! I need to lose more weight, train harder, cross train more and improve my time. I will take 7 hours for my first one, but in two to three years Boston, I am coming back to get you and I plan on taking you in 5 hours and that is a promise. In the meantime I am going to start picking on some other marathons and races.

I experienced the "loserville" Boston marathon experience, I never got to hear the roar of the Wellesley College girls, I just ran over the confetti and signs on the course, I did not get to sample the fresh orange wedges handed out on the course, I just ran over the left overs. Next time I plan on being fast enough to experience it all!

I OFFICIALLY DIAGNOSE MYSELF WITH MARATHONESIA AND THERE IS NO CURE!

Boston Marathon Part 1

2010-04-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

When you are facing something as historic, as legendary, as numbing as the Boston Marathon it is complicated. It plays with your mind. You wonder if you are dreaming. How did you get here? Is this real? I grew up in Providence, RI and my first introduction to the marathon was when I was a junior in high school and in photography class. My teacher was watching people running on tv. I asked what he was watching and he told me the Boston marathon. All I took from that was, wow how cool, they get the day off from school in MA??? My next experience with the Boston marathon were during post college years when I watched with admiration runners every year running through Boston. I always felt this longing in myself like something was missing, like I was missing. I wanted to run. I needed to run. I wanted to be like every runner out there. I needed to do this.

Years and Years and Years went by before I got my chance. Ok so the 2010 Boston Marathon will always go down for me as being one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Not because I got a number, not because I did it, not because of the beautiful day, not because I finished it, but because of the ending, it all started at mile 24 when my friends Josh and Cailin showed up to get me to the finish.

I ran what I call the "loserville" Boston marathon, I was too slow, when I got to Natick, Wellesley, Newton no one was there and no one cared. It was not until Brookline that the drunk brigade came to my rescue! The drunk residents of Brookline supported me and when I was tired of being serenaded by drunk people, I think at least 5 drunk men ranging in age from 25 to 45 grabbed my hand and serenaded me the Barrilow tune "Oh Mandy", my good friends and my kids rescued me!

When Josh and Cailin met me it all clicked, they walked me to the finish, I was jogging but they were walking, hmm I guess I was jogging pretty slow at that point and I don't know if I could have made it without them. They supported me and when I was feeling embarrassed they made me feel special, when I felt like a failure they made me feel like a marathoner!

We met up with my kids at Kenmore who were so excited to see me. They did not realize that I was one of the last finishers they did not care. They just saw me running and they were excited and proud and then I felt proud. I kept running and then all of a sudden I realized that they were running with me.

The streets were all still closed at this point and I felt like I was in a real race again.
We all ran together a right on Hereford and a left on Boylston. We were all running together down Boylston. My coach was there waiting for me. There were crowds cheering me and police and I was running to the finish and suddenly it was there and I crossed the finish line with my kids.

What a feeling, what a memory! I am still confused by what I did. Still in shock that I traveled through Hopkinton, Ashland, Natick, Framingham, Wellesley, Newton, Brookline into Boston, 26.2 miles all on foot.

I thought because I got there after the official timing had stopped that no one would care, no one would be there, I would not get a medal, but the support from the crowds running through Kenmore, running down Bolyston was incredible, everyone was cheering and yelling and clapping. One woman said to me the Charity runners are angels! It was remarkable.

I had prepared myself not to expect a medal, and I kept telling myself that it did not matter, but when I crossed the finished and I walked a few feet to one of the organizers and they placed a medal around my neck, I began sobbing. My name would not be in the paper or in the official records, because I was too slow, but I have my medal and I have my memories and most importantly, I have my pride. I did it! From couch to Boston marathon in one year!

12 days to go, hopes and fears

2010-04-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

I have 12 days till I run my first marathon, I am in what is called the taper period. The time frame where you rest your body and fuel with good protein and carbohydrates and allow your muscles to repair and build oxygen supplies and get stronger. I feel ancy, like I need a good long run, but I am told that that is a healthy and natural feeling.
My running coach has been providing us with helpful information and advice. I have been trying to sit more and eat more protein and fight the urge to run 13 miles this weekend because I really would love to.
I can't believe I just said that, but it is true. Running for long runs is peaceful and makes you feel alive.
Emotionally I am not as zen. I am freaked out of my mind. Wondering if I can finish, wondering how badly it will hurt. Hoping to not have a heart attack, hoping for no terrible blisters or pulls along the way. Hoping that I can hydrate myself accurately and fuel myself so that my legs don't turn into cement between 18 and 20 miles.
I have deiced that no matter how I feel, I will smile and be polite to heartbreak hill, I will not curse and be miserable.
I have huge anxiety that I will be all alone running, the last one out of 16 thousand people making my way to Boston and thinking about how humiliating that will feel.
My biggest hope is that I will cross the finish line in under 7 hours.
My biggest fear is that I will have a heart attack and die along the way or get that scary over hydration problem where your brain swell, you get confused and then you die.
My absolute fear is that I won't finish.
Mu number is 26657, please come out to the race and cheer me on in Boston or track me.
I will have my cell phone so feel free to text me words of encouragement, my cell is 617-642-7667
I will try to tweet as well and that is mommymouseplans.
My oracle or running a member of my running team, a goddess of running and wisdom responded to me kindly when I asked her if I was Fu@$ed due to my training gaps, well yes and know, but stressed that it is all mental if you keep the mental in line you will be fine.
That has always been my overall strength. Being positive, staying positive and believing in the magic and wonder of dreams.
It has always been my dream to run the Boston Marathon and on Monday April 19, I plan on working my hardest to make that dream come true

20 mile race

2010-03-30T13:57:00.000-07:00

So, I knew I had to try, so i signed up for the legendary pre training Boston marathon race the eastern states 20 mile race with my all ears team running bud Josh. i was nervous going into the race for all of my reasons I have previously discussed. It was pretty amazing to stand next to the legendary Hoyts pre-race. This race starts at Kittery Maine and finishes at Hampton Beach, it is described as a flat and fast course. Hmm, the fist 3 miles were hilly and not flat crossing two bridges and running through downtown Portsmouth, then it got flat and could have been beautiful if not for the 35-40 mile per hour head and cross winds. Running through Rye , NH should have been a beautiful and relaxing experience, but instead it was taxing and exhausting culminating in a mile between 10 and 11 so treacherous that I had my arm up while running and for every step forward was being blown back two steps. At that point I stopped. There was no way I could continue fighting these forces for another 9 miles. It was disappointing, but also exhilarating, I felt great! Not out of breath, legs were not toast. I felt i could have gone farther if not for the winds. it makes me nervous for race day conditions. this is the second long run that has been cut short due to strong headwinds, makes me a bit nervous, but, I have no choice but to stay positive and keep training and moving forward.

Mental Wars

2010-03-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

Last week was as far as training weeks go, a terrible, awful, very bad no good week. I got a mental panic and that froze my training. I started the week off Friday with a good run, it was a hilly 5 mile run that started off tough and finished off great. But then a weekend of fun culminated in sick children and exhaustion and work stress and a loss of a long run which then became a week of rest due to a very sick baby, bad weather and work pressures. I being the extremist that I am said ok one week off equals 20 mile race on Sunday. I will blog about that next, but what I have to come to realize is that running is so mentally exhausting. I have a constant fear and pressure that I am an awful runner and a slow runner and a fat runner and I have no business being out there. Then I beat myself up and it keeps me from getting out there. Then I force myself to go and within 30 minutes, I feel great and I love running, I feel strong, I feel alive and I think that this is what makes me happy, this is what I have been missing. When I run regularly, everything in my life falls into place and feels manageable. When I don't run things feel overwhelming and out of control. I have this constant battle of I love running I hate running, when in fact I hate not running.

Training Confusion

2010-03-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

Ok I think training for a marathon especially the Boston marathon is a lot more complex than training for a 1/2 marathon. There are tons of different opinions out there on how often and how much to run, how often and how much to cross train. The different types of running you should be doing. All of this has left me very very confused.

The one constant I know is that I need to do a long run of increasing distance each week.

I also now know that I need to focus on running hills for one of my hour long runs each week.

I also have decided to run one temo run each week where I vary my speeds.

I am also considering adding in another run each week just to up my fitness level and see if I can drop a few more pounds.

Cross training is hard, due to limited time.

I have been frustrated by some blogs that are out there right now. I have been looking for resources on fat runers like me and came acrosss one obnoxious man who stated in his blog that fat people had no business running and training for a marathon because it is obviously not working for you.

I am going to keep on trying, keep my head up and know that if I keep working hard and believe in myself, I can do this.

I want to finish even if it takes me 7-8 hours, I want to cross that finish line and fat or not I believe that if you are willing to train and go for it then you should do it with your head held high.

1st Long run on the course

2010-03-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

I awoke last Sunday with a huge pit of nervousness in my stomach. It was my first long run on the course with the team. I was filled with insecurities and knew that I would be the slowest, most inexperienced, fatest person running and that is a lot to deal with. This was also combined with the fact that I knew I was behind in my running schedule. My last long run was January 6 the 1/2 marathon. Today was March 7, so I had some ground to make up.

I arrived at the John Hancock center at 8:00am and the one good thing I had on my side was the weather. It was already warm and forecast to be 50 degrees, balmy training weather for the Northeast in March. Of course, I show up and am surrounded by 125 young, perfect and fit people. There are a handful of us on the team over 24 years old, but everyone is more fit than me. I am the only heffalump.

I struck up a conversation with a nice woman who also told me she was a beginner runner and looked to be in the over 35 category. She was kind and offered to run with me when I told her I was slow. She of course blew me away once we started running. I did not realize how hilly this course would be. We started at the finish line and after everyone on the team passed me and I was running alone, I started to enjoy the scenery. I ran through Kenmore square, up Beacon street, up, up, up, was the word that was echoing in my mind. Ran up coolidge corner, up to chestnut hill, up to Boston College and this is where my legs started to fatigue. This run was entirely up hill! Finally I hit Newton and started to run downhill, there were a lot of other runners out there of course all fitter and faster than me. It felt good to finally run downhill and before I knew it, I was at my 7 mile turn around point. I turned around and suddenly realized what I had been running down. HEARTBREAK HILL, gasp, I started wogging up the long, long, long, long incline and finally made it to the top and started retracing my route back.

Everything started to hurt around coolidge corner, my feet, my legs, I was so tired. I slowed down and was doing a steady wog. I ran through Kenmore Square, but when I hit Commonwealth, I had to stop and walk for the first time. Actually limp was more accurate. I limped back to the Prudential Mall and then started jogging again to the finish. I didt it, 14 miles on the course. It was long and painful and slow, but I did it.

I had run from 9 am until 1pm, 4 hours, scary. I am so slow and this really eats at me. How does everyone else run so fast? Why can't I? I was exhausted. I am not a napper, but I actually fell asleep in the car on the ride home. Then I was so tired and so sore that I could barely move the rest of the day. But I did it! The promsing fact is that the next day, I did not feel too badly. I recovered much faster than I had after the half marathon, each week now will bring longer and longer runs and I hope my body is able to improve and rebuild stronger and faster with each run. I have to say I am scared and nervous about how difficult this marathon will be, but I am up to the challenge.

Boston bring it on!

Day 1 of Hard Core Boston Marathon Training begins

2010-02-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

So I have to admit, I have been going through a funky phase since I returned from Disney on the heels of accomplishing my goal to run the Disney 1/2 marathon. I did it and it was amazing and hard and fun and everything I had hoped it to be and more. I enjoyed my fabulous vacation with my family and returned home and a combination of things happened that led to a 6 week running slump.

1. After I returned, it was soooo cold and I felt like giving myself a 2 week vacation from running, after all, I had trained and worked so hard and earned it, so I felt justified in savoring my accomplishment and relaxing my muscles for a couple of week. Plus with constant snowstorms, my hate of the treadmill and sub 20 degree weather, I was ready for a break.

2. My son, whom I love so much and who has multiple disabilities suffered a downturn and went through a very tough time, forcing the necessity of several doctors appointments and additional attention and love and drain and wear and tear on me. Definitely made me very sad as we worked through helping him get back on track.

3. I then suffered from what was either a nasty three week flu or a chemical pregnancy, either way, for three weeks, I was exhausted, nauseous and overall sick.

This past week , I looked at the calendar and went UH OH! I am running the Boston Marathon in 8 weeks, 8 weeks from today in fact, I need to get on track!!!!

Now for me, running has meant so much to me this past almost full year now and has changed my life in so many ways. I am now a runner and while I know 6 weeks slumps may and will happen, the important thing is that I don't give up. I am never going back to being a sedentary depressed blob. I may still look like a blob, but I am not a sedentary, depressed blob!

I am going to do this and I want to do this, if you believe you can and you commit yourself mentally to a challenge you can and will achieve it.

Last night, I had a talk with myself. No more excuses, no more resting, it is time to take charge, work through the obstacles and get back on track.

That means not just a training change, but of course from now until the marathon, I have to completely change my mental attitude, thinking, and lifestyle.

1. I have to maintain a running schedule of a minimum of three runs a week and a maximum of four, two to three will be shorter runs of 4 to 8 miles and one longer run increasing in distance each week.
2. I have to pay attention to nutrition and that means everything I put in my body. I am training my body to be an efficient performance machine, so that means I have to make sure I am taking in enough lean proteins, fruits, vegetable, vitamins and hydration to maximise my performance. This also includes cutting down on the fun stuff, alcohol, sweets and treats.
3. Rest, I have to make sure I am getting enough rest and stretching my body while building my core strength.
4. Core strength comes from doing nightly strength training and 1 or two cross training sessions a week of spinning or swimming.

Hopefully, given all of the above I would love to be able to shed another 20 to 30 pounds in the next 8 weeks, so I have less to carry with me on that 26.6 mile run.

I also need to refocus on my fundraising goals, I need to raise a minimum of 2500 for nutrition research, a subject very close to my heart as I have battled with obesity the past 10 years and I want to support nutrition research so my children never have to fight the battles I have fought and am overcoming.

Lastly, I need support, I need encouragement, I need wisdom. Please honk if you see me running, ask me about my running, come do a class with me or run with me, help me fund raise. I need all the support I can get, this is another huge challenge for me to undertake and it starts today. You can support my fundraising by visiting this link, every donation counts, even if you sacrifice one day of a DnD run and donate $5, it all adds up!
http://www.tuftsmarathonchallenge.com/runners/AmandaMcKittrickGonzales

!

Go for the Duck

2010-01-24T16:57:00.000-08:00

Go for the Duck, Go for the Duck Go for the Duck! That is what I kept telling myself as the sleet and the cold pierced my nose and my ears and my body. It was so dark, it was so crowded. I was suddenly scared. Scared of the sweep buses, scared of the crowds, scared of the walkers, scared of my lack of training the past month due to the weather and the holidays and my own demons. As I approached the first mile marker, I was terrified of getting hurt.

I did not expect to be terrified of getting hurt. However, I had not expected this terrible weather, the sleet and the wet grounds and at mile one I had been zig zagging in and out of walkers and other runners, jumping onto the slick grass and onto the road and dodging plastic bags and other random pieces of clothing that were being tossed in the middle of the road and on the side of the road. People were cutting me off as they passed me, I was cutting people off as I passed them. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? I suddenly felt like I was trapped in my favorite 80's video game frogger!

It is dark, it is wet, it is cold, I am just starting out and I can not run in a straight line, I can not keep my pace and I am terrified I am going to either slip and fall or fall from tripping on a plastic bag in the road or on someones coat and this is breaking my focus. Suddenly I realize I can see in front of me the first glimpse of the Magic Kingdom gates and the sun is starting to rise and now I am facing a new challenge, my emotions and my tears.

I had always been afraid of the sweep buses, but all I could do was start running, run the fastest and hardest I could and GO FOR THE DUCK! I was filled with adrenaline before the race, but did not expect to feel the gut wrenching emotions I was feeling while running. I LOVE DISNEY for so many reasons. I love it for the memories. I cherish my childhood memories of visiting with my father who passed away when I was only 14 of cancer , I cherish Disney because of all of the wonderful vacations we have had with my children and especially with my autistic son. I am so grateful to Disney for their efforts in helping people with disabilities feel excepted and taken care of and valued; something that sadly that is hard to achieve outside of Disney. Most of all I love Disney for helping me to appreciate the important things in life, love, and family and relationships and friends. I know I am getting emotional, but running is emotional for me. At this point, I started gushing and flowing tears of joy, tears of pride, tears of pain, tears of fear, just tears. I had worked so hard for this and when I passed under the Magic Kingdom arches with the monorail tracks at my side, it suddenly hit me for the first time. I am really doing this, it is here.

I know, I am silly, but I had been talking the talk, walking the walk for so many months and now it was really here, this was the moment, this was my moment and at that moment as I passed under the gates, I knew,that I was going to do it.

I wanted to make my kids proud of me, I wanted to inspire other people to reach for goals, to believe the impossible to work for something, chase a dream go after it and feel the joy of accomplishment. Here, I am still a heffalump, an overweight 30 something mom of four and I was running a 13.1 mile course, in the early am, in the sleet in the freezing cold.

At that point, I felt a calm wash over me and I just ran, I did not stop, not for the characters in the Magic Kingdom although I did wave and watch and appreciate them, not for the bathroom, not for when I shed my top two layers, I just ran and ran and ran. I apologize to the poor woman whose coffee I accidentally knocked out of her hand while running up Main street. The road was too narrow and I was again weaving and her cup was over the line and my left elbow caught it and sent it sailing airborne 10 feet in front of me.

I loved running through the Magic Kingdom past the characters, over the train tracks, past the pirate ship by the water parade floats and up past the Grand Floridian. Seeing goofy in his golf cart on the side of the road was fun. Mostly, I was inspired by how many adults and children that were out on the course that early in the morning in the freezing rain and 30 degree weather to cheer for the runners.

The run back to Epcot was long and slow. The dreaded overpass that curved and inclined slowly was painful. But then the most amazing thing happened, I saw Spaceship Earth and the Epcot gate and I knew I had done it. Every long run I had when things got tough, I always imagined the "big ball" as we call it in our family in front of us. To actually know it was there and I was at mile 11 and change and I was approaching it was again a tear invoking experience. Running into Epcot while slipping and sliding on the wet pavement was one memory, I will never forget. Rounding the corner and being startled by a gospel choir before the finish was another memory I will never forget. Crossing the finish line although I know it was trite, I could not help but raise my arms above my head. I DID IT! I proudly walked and claimed my duck.

Then as I stopped running and started walking, I suddenly realized how much my legs began to hurt and thus "mommy robot" as my kids called me for the next several days was born, but Mommy Robot had her duck so the pain was replaced by pride.

Friday, January 8, 2010

2010-01-18T17:20:00.000-08:00

I awoke, numb. I am a sleeper. I learned in the last 9 months that I am not a wake up a 5 or 6 and go for a run happy to start my day type of runner. I AM A RUNNING DIVA! I like to run between 9:30am and 11:30am, I like, my coffe, my eggs, my water, my stretching, my shoes just so.

So, let me get this right, I am supposed to tour the parks all day, go to sleep at 8 or so and awake at 2:30 am and leave my room to go run 13.1 miles with the stress of keeping a pace of under 16 minute miles or face being swept by buses and lifelong humiliation? Ummmmmmm, run, can I run for the airport? Can I escape to Miami? I began to be mad at Mickey that day and Donald and all Disney characters, why did sweep buses have to exist? Why did there have to be a time limit? It is not fair, it is evil, it is mean. I hated Disney for doing this, then Pooh gave me a hug, I don't hate Disney, who can hate Disney?

Ok so, ate my last meal at Teppan Edo, has a glass of wine at dinner to relax joked with our nice dinner table sharers about running tomorrow while they stared at me like I belong in the crazy house, maybe I do. Got back to the room at 7:30, put on my running clothes to sleep in, packed my fuel belt with electrolyte mixture and guu gel packs, had my ipod, my number, my layers and layers of clothes, called for a 2am wake up call, set the alarm for a 2:15am buzz put my running sneakers by the door and numbly tried to go to sleep.

I knew it was going to be 28 and sleeting and then freezing rain in the am so I did not expect my husband and four kids to come out to cheer me on, this was my race, my battle. I did not know if I would finish, I told him not to come to the finish because if I got swept, it would be too painful to know he was there waiting for me and I did not want to dissapoint my kids.

I went to sleep and awoke every hour on the hour untill 2am. I headed out the door in a daze and walked in the cold, in the dark to the bus stop. The bus arrived at 2:45am and I boarded, blinking at the LCD display that read 2:45am January 9, 2010. I waited slowly as one at a time bleary eyed runners appeared and boarded the bus intil 3am when the bus promptly departed for Epcot. The bus was playing an eerie mix of music from the monkees to the black eyed peas, I briefly considered whether this soundtrack was meant to be my life flashing before my eyes.

I was surprised when the bus dropped us a mile from the tents, ok this is a nice warmup up in the freezing cold at 3:15am, not!

Got to the race retreat, a heated haven with bagels and coffee, tvs, music and leather couches at 3:35am and met my team co-captains and Deb Wills. We hung out and I annoyingly talked of sweep buses. Race retreat is worth the extra money! Private potties, computers, charcters, private baggage claim, one of the best decisions I made. We went out at 4:45am to meet our other teamates, pose for pics and begin the 1 mile trek in the dark, in the cold to the starting corrals.

So Disney, I have to walk two miles before the start of the 1/2 marathon? Seriously?

I get to the corral G, the last corral and work my way to the front and then the magic starts. You see a video screen with Mickey, Goofy and Minnie in running gear doing exercises, how can you not smile? Music is playing, and suddenly you see fireworks as the first wave starts, not just any fireworks, amazing fireworks. Suddenly the adreneline kicks in. I am going to do this, I can do this. Surrounded by 17 thousand runners, I am excited , I can do this!

I watch the next wave start and more fireworks, and then the next wave and suddenly, it is my turn. My wave starts and I walk another mile to the start! I go gangbusers, in the dark, in the dark, in the cold and the dark and the sleet, dodging over tossed sweatshirts in the road, tossed plastic bags and mittens and gloves and snow and rain and sleet and if that is not enough suddenly I am dodging a sea of walkers. I am suddenly weaving in and out of a labyrinth of walkers trying to run and keep my pace. I am swearing and wondering what the heck are all of these walkers doing ahead of me. suddenly, I am running on the grass, and all I hear in my head is GO FOR THE DUCK!

Disney Expo

2010-01-18T16:40:00.001-08:00

Thursday, January 7, two days before the 1/2, the dawn of the last good night of sleep before the 1/2, the last chance to eat the energy that would fuel my half. I went with my family to the expo, they were all excited, I was numb with fear, with dread, with doubt. I began to fear failure. If I were to fail, if I were to be swept, how could I live with myself? How could I be an example to my children? How could I face everyone that had donated money to my fundraising efforts? The fear of failure was sickening. I had not been sleeping well for the past week and now I was sick with naussea. The expo was big and loud and overstimulating. I was filled with dread and sadly unable to enjoy it, I was too afraid of failure.

I picked up my number, my race retreat bracelet and my shirt and bag, I put blinders on to all of the cool t-shirts, like the ones that said my mom ran the 1/2 or I ran my forst 1/2. I did not want to buy any shirts because if I failed, Iwas a fraud and should not own any of those shirts. I was agin the only fat person walking among all of these fit runners that belonged there, me I did not belong there. How did I get there? Everyone looking at me must be thinking she is going to run this? baaahhhaaahhhaaaahhhahaaa

I walked out speechless and stunned.

December

2010-01-18T16:33:00.001-08:00

December brought a business trip, family drama, a lot of holiday stress and family dysfunction and the snow and cold weather. I only averaged one run a week in December and at one point went 12 days without a run. I felt miserable, I felt depressed, convinced I had failed, convinced I could not do this, I had failed, I was nothing but a worthless fat chick with no purpose.

It is hard in Marblehead surrounded by all of the gorgeous and put together perfect mompreneurs. The average size of a mom in Marblehead is -2. Being aheffalump in this town is not easy, nevermind a brown haired brown eyed heffalump with a last name like Gonzales.

It was a combination of lack of time, bad weather, lack of confidence and loss of drive that led to my training demise, I slowly started gaining weight. Yet something in me kept fihting back.

I remember going for a run on xmas eve, I was hosting family for xmas and had tons to do, yet I still made it out for a four mile run on xmas eve, who does that? I still had some fight left in me.

The weather fought back and I tried running on the treadmill, one day, it was that crappy run that convinced me that I think I am a runner, real runners o not like treadmills, they hate them in fact, they call them dreadmills. They take the joy of running and try to squash it. I had to keep fighing back.

I managed three short runs before leaving the 6th more worried than ever about the pace requirement of 16 minute miles.

Catching up

2010-01-18T16:19:00.000-08:00

Hey,
So I have to apologize about my lack of blogging, I guess I suffered a bit of blog stage fright coming into the home stretch. My training was going strong into thanksgiving, but then the craze of two business trips, the holidays, the emotinal drain of the holidays took their toll and my training came to a dramatic halt on December 6. December 6 was the morning of my 10 mile qualifying run for the Boston marathon Tufts challenge number. I awoke at 6am to a snow storm and almost went back to bed, but that same force that has been driving me, told me I would regret this decision. I put on my running clothes and headed down to Medford, sat in my car wondering what the heck I was doing. I am nuts, I am crazy, am I really going to run on the icy, snowy streets, in the 30 degree weather for god knows how long since I am the slowest and fatest runner on the planet? Why am I doing this? I am not good enough, not strong enough, not fast enough, not worth it. Right?

Then I head into the gym and it gets worse. I am the only fat person in the room everyone else is young and beautiful and perky and thin and we head out and I am dejected. I line up, freezing and not knowing why start running before long, I am the only one left running alone everyone ahead of me, we had been told police would help block traffic for tough intersections, but since I was so far behind, I was on my own, no police lagged behind to help me. This was a tough and long run, I battled demons and self confidence issues the whole run, but somehow powered through, it was hard, tough and long, but I finished, I qualified. I almost feel like the head of the team hoped I would not because I sucked so much with my time, but I did.

That was my last long run and last real training run before the half. The start of my downward spiral before th 1/2.

10 miles and the 4 mile Mojo

2009-11-08T03:17:00.000-08:00

I am proud to say that I, the species of a mix of Tigger due to my energy and Heffalump sadly due to my size ran 10 miles two days ago. I was not crawling at the end, I was not even out of breath! It did take me 2 hours and 15 minutes, sloooooooooooooooooooooooow. But I did it. I am now laughing at myself when I thought running 6 miles was daunting.

I had not run a long run in a few weeks, lack of time and my husbands work schedule coupled with rain for the past several weekends had made it impossible, so I had the opportunity on Friday and I and grabbed it. It was an easy long slow run with gu and my ipod and the ocean views, it was awesome!

I have to say that I never appreciated how beautiful the autumn is until this fall, when I run I have the time to really observe how beautiful nature and where I live is. The gorgeous colors in the trees, the blankets of leaves on the ground, the sounds of the crunching as I run over them, the sun glistening off the ocean; these are the sights I typically drive by not noticing too stressed or rushed on my way to something.

I have also learned that there is a 4 mile mojo affect. The first mile of every run is slow and tough, I am warming up, I am fighting all of the voices telling me I am too busy to run, too tired, too fat, I should be doing laundry, then mile 2 to 3 is usually when things start to hurt. By mile 3 I feel warm and start to relax and get into the music and then magically at mile 4 all is good, the high sets in and I feel like I could run for days and I realize that I love running all over again, it is the magic mojo 4. Anyone else experience this?

I have also come to the realization that while I am pretty uncomplicated in most of my life and low matintenace, I am a running diva. I have to have two sparkling waters and a cup of coffee and two scrambled eggs with cheese before I run, I need my ipod, I need my sneakers tied just so, not too tight not too loose, I need my hydration belt filled with my electrolyte micture, I need my gu, I need to be dressed comfortable enough for the temp, I need my hat or my visor, I need to know my course. I prefer the temp to be between 45 and 75 and I like to run between the hours of 9:30am and 4:30pm, not in the rain or the snow or humidity. I am basically a running pain in the ass. It is like this uptight monster has been released from my running all this for a run, seriously? Yep, I am a running diva and that is raspberry lime sparkling water if you please.

Correction

2009-10-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

Just to stay honest, I have modified my swearing off wine policy to one night a week excluding nights my husband works all day and all night and does not come home, just to be honest, amen.

The Calendar must be lying

2009-10-25T06:26:00.000-07:00

Today I looked at the date and almost died. I usually am oblivious to the date, just following autopilot and living day to day because the days have been so overscheduled and crazy lately. How can it already be the end of October, I should know this since the house has been decorated for Halloween, we went to a fabulous and fun Halloween party last night, the costumes are purchased and we are listening to Halloween music as I right this, but somehow, I always had it in my head that the 1/2 marathon in January would not get scary until November and now November is a week away! Yikes and since the 1/2 is January 9th that means I only have two months left to train, it is essentially crunch time. Time to sink or swim and I plan on becoming an olympic swimmer!

So to recap, I started in April a full fledged heffalump, unhealthy, not exercising, horrible eater, overall 100 pounds overweight and depressed. I decided to start running and change my life and loose weight and get healthy while raising money for breast cancer. It has indeed been a journey, but it is still the beginning. I have lost weight, but still have a lot to lose, I have made incredible progress in my running, but still have a long way to go. I have changed my eating habits, fallen in love with a new sport, become addicted to races, made new friends, met wonderful people along the way and gotten my children, husband and friends involved in my journey.

I have been slowly trying to remove the unhealthy habits piece by piece. First, I started exercising, then I gave up soda, then I gave up fast food, then, I changed the way I approached food, focusing on making small changes. I would use mustard instead of mayonaise for example, I would use light cheese instead of full fat. Now there is only one BIG change I need to make. I am ready to do it, I have to do it, I think this will help me lose the 20 pounds I want to lose by January 9. I am going to mostly cut all alcohol out of my diet. I am going to allow myslef one night for date nights, events ect, but by and by I am going dry. I am considering myself pregnant and this 1/2 marathon and full marathon is my baby.

I hope this will improve my running, my weight loss and my overall health. It will be hard on the stressful days, on the tough days, when a glass of wine seems like the only antidote, but I will find some other reward system for a bad day.

This is a journey and I need to make this happen, for me, for my kids, for my husband, for my future.

If you think you can you will for it's all in the state of mind....

6 months in, a lifetime to go

2009-10-13T18:18:00.000-07:00

Six months ago, I looked in the mirror and cried. Starting about two months ago I started looking in the mirror and said hey is that a chin I see, hey I am kind of cute! I see myself again. I was never beautiful or gorgeous, I was always the cute spunky athletic one and I liked that, I kind of see myself that way again and it feels good.

I am not sure how much weight I have lost, I do know that I have been walking out of my jeans and yes Nik does get a few kicks out of this. I also know that my XL workout gear has been falling off me. Kind if cool, I am not existing on salads and fruit only, I still eat nachos and burgers and drink, but more in moderation, I just ate two mini twix, it is Halloween season, what do you expect?????

I find myself getting more and more emotional. I hear songs in my ipod while I am running and start crying. This was just so hard to do, it is easy to think it to want it, but it is soooooo hard to make it happen, and I kind of have been making it happen. I could not have done any of this without my amazing husband. Take yesterday, I left him with all four kids in Boston while I went to run the Tufts 10k. He did it with a smile on his face, what a stud right? Yep, he rules!

It was an awesome Autumn day, we took the train before 8am into Boston and then the T, the kids were in train heaven. We surfed the swag, scoped the common and the kids ran the challenging kids 1k race. This is my fave part about my journey, getting my kids addicted to running and races, they are already junkies! They love getting the numbers and the snacks after of course. I am so proud of them!

I always get so nervous before a race and this was insame over 6500 women lining up for this race. Of course sheepishly I go to line up behind the sign 10 plus minutes miles. It was very exciting! I ran the fastest I could possibly run, it was very overwhelming people tripping over each other and so many people everywhere, the course was incredible, running along the charles, down through Charles street, back down Commonwealth, what an incredible 6 mile route, women of all ages, shapes and sizes and abilities.

I ran my fastest pae, 12:36 mile pace, fast for me, incredible because 6 months ago running for 5 minutes was impossible and look at me now!!!

Anything is possible! If I can do it, you can do it, I have never felt more alive than how I feel when I am running. If you believe it, you can do it so get off your ass and go do it and feel free to call me and do it with me! Come running, it is awesome!

Updates

2009-10-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a month since I posted, but don't think I have not been training, because I have! I am actually up to 9 miles on my long runs, yes 9 miles!!!!! It took me 2.5 hours, but I did it!

September was tough though due to the hectic pace of back to school life and getting the kids adjusted into their activities and the fact that I am coaching field hockey in addition to my gig as a travel agent and mom to four and on the PTO, so it has been crazy.

No cross training this month, something I hope to improve in October. I have been averaging only 2-3 runs a week, I need to average a solid 3 from now on. I typically run 1-2 5 miles courses and try to do a tempo run where I run as fast as I can and then run a more average pace for some, but my course has lot of hills. I have noticed that after these runs, my shins act up a bit which I imagine is due to the pounding when I run faster.

Weight loss is slow, but still happening and that makes me happy. Dropped out of weight watchers, because I feel empowered now that I know how to mke the right choices and I can weigh myself. Not that I do it very often!

I love running! I love seeing my body change. I love the feeling of accomplishment I have at the end of a long run.
I love it so much that I just joined the Tufts Marathon Challenge. www.tuftsmarathonchallenge.com If all goes well, maybe I can run the Boston Marathon.

It is frustrating when it rains like today and I have days when I don't want to run, but I still go, except not in the rain, too scared of getting injured.

My biggest fears are of the sweep bus. I have to improve my pace and only have three months to do it.

3 months!!!! I am scared.

And the Clock Ticks

2009-09-05T04:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been neglecting my blog lately, just enjoying the final days of summer. So some random things I have learned about running and me as a runner from my perspective.

1. I hope I never have to run on a treadmill again, I feel like it is not running and it is impossible to get that feeling of spiritual freedom and release you can achieve when outside from running on a treadmill.
2. Running as a sport is way more complicated than Field Hockey.
3. Having an ample chest easily should grant you a 3 minute per mile handicap in races,
4. Running alone does not make you lose weight, in fact, it makes you hungrier.
5. My legs are starting to get scary with the muscles that are appearing.
6. I am not an early morning runner, I am more of a 9am runner or a 5pm runner.
7. I subscribed to my first running magazine!
8. I now fully understand hydration and look like a complete goober when I run with my hydration belt filled with GNU water bottles.
9. I know I need to start strength training and core training, that is my next mystery to challenge.
10. I am up to 7.3 miles on my long run and ran for 2 hours straight last week.
11. I am terrified by my slow pace. I am not getting faster yet and it scares me.
12. Sometimes a run still really hurts and is mentally tough as well as physically tough.
13. This is a sport I would like to continue for the rest of my life.
14. I think it is amusing when so may people tell me they can never run long distances,, but yet have never tried and are way more fit than me and a million pounds lighter.
15. Everyone can run if you just get out there and do it and believe you can.
16. If you don't think you can do it, you won't, if you believe you can, you will!

Some random thoughts above. I have been having fun with training, dealing with a lot of anxiety of will I be ready can I do this now that the main event is only four months away. I know when the cold weather sets in I am going to have to purchase and learn about running with a whole new set of gear.

My plan now that school is coming next week is to run between 3 and 5 miles Monday and Wednesday, do a long run Friday am. Cross train and strength train Tuesday and Thursday and look for fun races on the weekends. I am hoping I can drop another 30 pounds in the next four months.

I need to turn on the juice when it comes to fundraising. Hopefully people will realize that this is the real deal now and I am really going to run 13 miles in Disney with the hope of raising a couple of thousands of dollars to fight breast cancer. The plane tickets have been purchased, my body is in training, this is plan in motion.

Come run with me! Honk at me if you see me running come to my party at flynnies in early November, buy a raffle ticket for the raffle I am going to have, mostly, please support me in my quest to fight cancer!

A week of Ups and Downs

2009-08-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

Downs

-Failed to accomplish my first Long 6 mile run last Saturday.
-Was alone most of the week since my husband worked a gazillion hours an went away all last Sunday leaving me little time to run when scheduled to run.
-Had horrific pain in my right shin develop causing me to fear I had a stress fracture.
-Found out the inserts I had gotten from ALIGN were too hard and most likely causing my second round of shin splints.

Ups

-Learned from my mistakes from my failed long run.
-Bought two different hydration system, a hand held bottle and a belt and poweraid and GNU.
-Got myself a running buddy!
-Had x-rays done which were normal and saw an orthopod who said my exam seemed inconsistent with fractures and consistent with shin splints, told me to keep running and start taking Advil 3x 3 a day. That's a lot of advil!
-Got myself some new softer inserts.

Really Upity Ups

-Ran my fastest 5K yet in 38:18 at a 12:22 pace!
-Shins felt good afterward!
-Ran 6.2 miles Saturday AM and it felt awesome!

Accomplishing those 6.2 miles felt amazing, I really believe I can do this!

Live and Learn

2009-08-02T05:11:00.000-07:00

So,all week long I have been freaked out knowing Saturday would be my first long run or 6 miles, or was supposed to be. I had two good 3 mile range runs Tuesday and Thursday and had run 3 miles or so last Saturday so I was back on track. Shins have there moments on and off but overall healthy. I was nervous and tense, well freaked out about this impending 6 mile run all day Friday.

I mapped out a gorgeous flat course along the ocean and started mentally preparing myself. Whay am I so freaked out? I ran a 5 mile race and did it, 6 can't be much worse. Something in my head was causing me to have a mental block. A bock that was filling me with anxiety and dread.

I awoke Saturday morning and started freaking out about hydration. I had been learning all week long from fellow all ears team members about hydration strategies and replacing electrolytes and how important this is. So, I was drinking water and coffee, Saturday morning which then resulted in bathroom trips and then I was full so I did not eat anything, I was nervous and could not get my sneakers tied just the right way. I was feeling pressure and the "I can't do this" voice was having a party in my brain. Stupidly, I did not head out until 9ish. It was a warm beach day and was 80ish. I did not bring any water never mind electrolyte water, nor money. DADADADUM< the death noise, I killed my run with that step.

I started out with the usual first 10 minutes hard, sneakers, needed to be adjusted, shins sore, sports bra tugging, but after 20 minutes settled into a groove, I was running super slow on purpose to conserve energy, I was just about mile 3 the turn around point at the end of Nahant beach when it hit me. The nauseating feeling of heat exhaustion, face burning, stomach upset, feeling like I might pass out, I weighed continuing, but without water, was afraid of really hurting myself.

I have been spoiled by the races with water stops along the way and hoses. I admitted defeat and the frustrating part was that I knew I could do it, make it the whole way, had I had water.

After walking the last 3 miles, trying not to feel too defeated, but I did, I went to the running store and bought myself a hydration belt. I also bought the lemon lime flavor GU20 electrolyte powder mix and some GU energy gels.

Of course, I was painfully reminded that I am still a Heffalump after three months of hard work when the first two hydration belts would not fit around my waist, as if my self esteem had not already taken a hard enough hit today with my failed run.

Anyhow, the 6 mile run is rescheduled for Tuesday, Monday I am going to try a timed mile. Still need to get a Garmin, not sure if I should splurge on the heart monitor with it or not, can't imagine wearing the chest strap to be honest and the hydration belt and the Garmin while running.

Overall, I am in a bit of a slump I would say, too many long exhausting days alone with the kids. I have gained a couple of pounds which is annoying due to the numerous nights out and weddings and such we have been doing. I need to get this 6 mile run out of the way Tuesday and hopefully that will get me more confidence.

The Science of it all.

2009-07-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have to be honest. When I embarked on the running quest mid-April, I thought this will be simple and straightforward. I watch what I eat, I log the training runs and I show up on 1/2 marathon day 100 pounds lighter and an Olympian runner who would run 7 minute miles without breaking a sweat. How hard can running be, no equiptment needed, no experience or gym membership required, just slap on those running shoes and go.

BOY WAS I Mistaken!

Running is an extremely complex sport. I feel like I am learning a new language or getting another degree. And it is not inexpensive either!! I had to learn about running sneakers, then I had to learn about inserts, then proper clothes, then the science of hydration and electrolites, how not to injure myself, nutrition, training schedules, training methods, training races, heart rate monitors, ipods, phew, my head is spinning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is fun to get engrossed in this new world though. There is a huge community of runners out there and they are not all the fastest and the fitest. There are plenty of people like me I am discovering.

I ran a 5K in Newburyport last night in 90 degree heat and humidity and it was hard, ok it was hell. Afterward I had serious leg cramping for the first time and today I am destroyed. I should have been drinking electrolytes so now I need to find a hydration system $$$$. I need to get a heart rate monitor $$$. I stuck with it though and finished despite wanting to quit.

I am still at a standstill with my pace. Still stuck in the 13 minute mile pace. Now I have to start researching how to improve that.

I have my first long 6 mile run I need to push through this weekend, wish me luck!

Also, random question why do the course designers need to always put a large hill at the end of a 5K. Do they think we enjoy that? I certainly do not, rolling hills are fine, but a 1/4 mile long steep hill at the end of the course just takes all of the fun out of the race.

I may be crazy, but I know I am commited

2009-07-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

So this is how my evening went:
Last night I registered for this 5 mile race in Boston. I was drawn by the charity of the event and the gorgeous, FLAT OCEAN course, there are few flat courses in NE, so I jumped on this!!!
I asked my husband who can never dictate the time he is home to request to be let out early. He did. At 3pm I started the panicked pages, are you done, when will you be done??? No good responses.
At 3:40 desperately page babysitter, can you come? Yes she could.
At 5:20 to Husband when will you be home? No answer.
At 5:21 Leave four kids with babysitter off racing into Boston at rush hour traffic.
RACE STARTS AT 6:30
Immediately I realize I have to Pee, not good.
6:00 enter 93 South tunnel in Boston, stopped in deadlocked traffic.
STILL HAVE TO PEE.
6:15 make the exit and take the wrong *&%(*^(*)*&)&( turn
6:25 at traffic light waiting to take the right turn.
6:26 take the right turn and park.
6:26 sprinting across busy road to get my number wiping away tears of frustration.
6:27 grab my number and run to potty.
6:29 sprinting to start line
6:30 the race starts with me there still wiping away tears.

Am I nuts??? Or just really getting into this, not many people would drive into the heart of the storm, BOSTON Rush hour traffic to go run 5 miles. SO I must either A. be nuts or B. Be really commited and getting into this.

I choose B. I finished the race in 1 hour and 9 minutes and discovered the challenge of running into a headwind for 2.5 miles.

I discovered another thing. I like races. Why you might ask ok, well picture yourself on an average training day. You know you have to run lets say five miles today. You head out alone and start the battle of the run alone, work through the pain alone, maybe you have water, maybe you don't, you might want to stop after a few miles, but that is you alone deciding that.

Ok, now let's compare that experience to a race. You have to pay a small fee to enter, but hey you have been meaning to make a charitable donation right? You get a cool number and instead of running alone are surrounded by other people who also are doing the same thing, you are not alone. If they can do it you can too!! You have people cheering you on along your run, clapping for you, applauding you, when you are thirsty there are people handing you water. You get scared, there are police there to protect you. You are worried about that strange ache in your knee, there is a first aid person at the end of your run waiting to take care of you. And congrats for doing your training here is a nice t shirt for your hard work and some yummy fruit and water and snacks.

HMMMM train alone or do a race you decide which experience is more motivating for you???

I know what I like now, I have become a spoiled runner in training and I like it!!!!!

10K 's here I come!!!!!!

Diet, Increasing Mileage and more family adventures

2009-07-14T05:09:00.000-07:00

The idea of running 13 miles when it was 8 months away seemed completely reasonable. The idea of running 13 miles now that it is just 6 months a way is starting to feel a bit scary and challenging.

I have been working hard at taking weight off slowly while revolutionizing my lifestyle and diet habits. It is going very well! It is now becoming a habit and normal to make the sensible choices and don't get me wrong I still eat all the "bad" foods and eat what I want, just in smaller portions. I don't do the "oh well, I cheated now I can eat the whole pizza and whole cake that leftover bag of chips and a bottle of wine. Now if I want cake I have one bite, if I want chips, I have a small handful, If I want a cheeseburger,I have one without the bun. The weight is slowly coming off just like it slowly went on.

On the running front, I know I have to increase my mileage slowly and have been trying to get in three runs a week and two swims and the other days I want to strength train or bike. I once again have found that increasing my mileage like so many other aspects of running is about training my body yes, but that comes naturally if I do the three runs a week. It is in fact more of a mental war against myself and the I can't do its. I find myself constantly making these crazy statements to myslef and then having to prove myself wrong. For example, I have to run first thing in the morning, because I am too tired at the end of the day. Well, no, I am mentally tired, but my body can do it, so I give myself the choice, if I can't wake up it means I am running later in the day. I just go and do it.

I have also found myself saying I can't run that much it is too far or I can't run a hilly course, I just can't. Well, last weekend I ran my first 4 mile race and this past weeeknd I ran my first 4.8 mile race with hills! I did it, I finished dead last, with grandpa passing me in the final stretch, but I finished, check me out, dead last:

 452  60/60   F4049 Janet Sweeney        46 F North Falmouth, MA  1:04:27 13:24
453  40/41   F3039 Sara Coady Howe      30 F Milford, MA         1:04:27 13:24
454  76/76   M4049 Bill Connell         41 M Falmouth, MA        1:04:52 13:30
455  15/17   M6069 Harvey Ko            65 M Elliott, MD         1:05:27 13:37
456  16/17   M6069 Chris Polloni        66 M N. Falmouth, MA     1:05:27 13:37
457  17/17   M6069 Rob Grey             65 M Cambridge, MA       1:06:43 13:53
458  41/41   F3039 Amanda Gonzales      36 F Marblehead, MA      1:08:00 14:09

Ok, I lied three grandpas edged me out, sigh.  That's ok, grandpa,
I will take that
one for the grandpa team.

I have been following the Jeff Galloway book and according
to the plan, I have to
increase my mileage every weekend.  I have found that
if I find a race to do that
helps me
increase and build in a family adventure, it helps
 me to accomplish this
daunting task.
Fellow teammates and new friends Caliin and Josh
 invited me to do the Falmouth race and
I could not decide until 9:30pm the night before,
 I was terrified.  How can a big old
Heffalump run 4.8 miles???  I felt like I was doing
 a trust fall blindly when I said ok
let's do it.  Luckily I am blessed to have a wonderful
 husband and family who like me love
to take on adventures and travel in a heartbeats decision.
So, at 6:30 am we were off driving to
Falmouth.

The race was amazing, so may supporters and families
 were out on the road cheering the
runners on, handing out water, spraying us with hoses,
 it was amazing and I did it.
Afterwards we spent the most incredible and relaxing day
with Caliin and Josh and
their beautiful family at the beach.  What an amazing
 adventure!  It never would have
happened if I had not embarked on this journey.  Thanks
 Caliin and Josh for a fantastic
and inspirational day!

I am now searching for new family adventures wrapped
around a race with increasing
mileage for the weekends.  I think this weekend will
be a journey to RI to visit
my old stomping grounds in Narraganset after a race.
Nik is usually more agreeable if the
their is lobster and beer at the end of the adventure for him.

Duh, of course for all of you who know me well and are
wondering of course i am trying to
make a race happen in Disney on a weekend before January.

So come run with me, if I can do it, you can do it!!! 
It's all in the state of mind!

Insecurity and humiiation

2009-07-04T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I like doing races. They are a challenge, an excitement. It is fun to scope out a race on cool runnings and make it happen. I have to say though once I get there I am a ball of nerves and insecurity.

I AM THE FAT CHICK!!!!!
Everyone there is sculpted and formed, muscles ripling, doing funky warm ups and exercises and then there is me, the Heffalump eating hay before the race. People look at me and quickly look away avoiding eye contact.

I know that once the race starts I will be the last one.

As hard as it is for me to swallow it is ok because I am the last one running the race, not the last one thinking about it or almost signing up for it, but I am doing it.

Ok, I sound brave, but really I am ashamed, embaresed and humiliated. I use those feelings though to go on.

Today was tough, I was of course the last one, all alone, but I did it. I ran a four mile race today. I DID IT! Alone, but I did it. It hurt, but I did it. I was slow, but I did it.

I feel good, still insecure, but proud. I am on my way. Three races under my belt, and I am enjoying them.

It is still not getting easier but that has to change at some point.

Come on everyone come run with me, if I can do it anyone can!!!

Success depends on a fellows will for its all in the state of mind......

Oh the Places You'll Go

2009-07-01T12:04:00.000-07:00

It is funny because I always thought of this as my personal journey, but it is actually my families journey as well. My son is now getting into running and wants to run with me. I did my second 5K this weekend in Ipswich at this beautiful farm called Appleton Farms. It was a gorgeous day!
The course wound through a path in the farm by orchards, cows and horses.

It was a tough race for me due to many hills and the heat. I did it though and it felt great. Afterwards, Gabe ran in his first race. A 1/4 mile kids race where he came in fourth and won a medal. Did I win a medal? No. Anyway, I never thought that I would insprie him to run and race, but now he has picked up this interest. Ironic, while I have been spending hundreds of dollars the past several years, having him try karate classes, and swimming and soccer and on and on and he loves running!

Afterwards we enjoyed a beautiful farm in Ipswich and went strawberry picking and had a delicious lobster dinner. Would we have gone to Ipswich or this farm had I not done this race? Probably not. Running and this journey is starting to take my family to some amazing places. It is exciting and adventurous for all of us.

We went away on Sunday so no workouts this week. I am supposed to have running class tonight, but I am hearing the rumbling of thunder so not sure if that will happen. I am hoping to do a track workout with the North Shore Striders a running group I have joined tomorrow night. Every Thursday they do a track workout with a coach and a long run on Sundays.

I am also hoping to do a 4 mile race in Swampscott on Saturday.

I need to purchase a garmin if you see any good sales, let me know.

The weather has been making running tough, it rains every day.

That is my update for now. I am still doing weight watchers as well.

I Did It! My first 5K.

2009-06-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

I was so nervous yesterday, I mean nervous. This was it. This was real. I was going to put myself out there as a registered runner, knowing that most 60 year old runners would be faster than me. Knowing that most runners would be thinner than me. In better shape than me. However, I did not think many would be more motivated than me. I packed my family in the car and headed out on a beautiful evening up to a gorgeous park in Beverly. I am so happy we discovered this park, right on the water with a walkway around Beverly waters, an amazing playground, beach, beach volleyball, wide open fields and an ice cream shop. We wil go back. The kids were happy playing while I went to register.

I must have looked clueless and like I might vomit because a kind organizer asked me if this was my first race. I told her it was and she was supportive and made me relax a bit. She even came over to me later and took down my name and address and told me that if she had any shirts leftover she would mail me one since it was my first race.

I was meeting my All Ears teamates Calin and Josh for and their adorable kids for the first time. Calin was runnig with me and although I am sure she could have blown me away, she was very kind and ran at my pace. It was so fun getting to know them and I am excited to race with them, run with them and hang out again. THANKS CALIN!

I forgot, the number for my first race was 163. No medal, but that is ok, I had a number.

We stared out in a mob and soon enough relaxed into a good slow jog. Calin was comfortable to talk and jog and that made me at ease. I often had to wait a breath or two to get the words out, but it was relaxing to have a friend to talk with while running. At mile 1 they gave us water, and I thought I could run and drink at the same time, nope. That apparently is another skill you have to train for. At mile two we were at 27 minutes, I thought that was a pretty good pace for me. Around 2.5 I was starting to feel it, this was the fastest I had run before and there were some inclines we were dealing with, I lost my ability to chat at that point except for a few Shrek Donkey references of are we there yet?

I was hoping Boom Boom Pow with Michelle and Mike would come on my shuffle about then, but I couldn't find it. Although I got my fave song to run to right as we were rounding the corner to the finish The Heart Brings you back by Blues Traveler. We finished at 42 minutes and some change and it felt AWESOME! I was tired and felt like I pushed myself.

The atmosphere at the races makes you push yourself, and I think that is a huge benefit of doing them. I am excited to do my next one. I feel tired today but got in a strong swim this am 40 laps freestyle and 15 kicking. I am not too sore though, just tired.

I did not get to refuel last night because we did not leave the park at about 8:15pm and that menat that the kids dinner had consisted of the post race snacks of cookies, chips, juice, ice cream and posicles, hmm have to plan better for that the next race. I was too tired to cook when we got home, so dinner was baked tostitos chips and salsa.

I am going to figure out a schedule of races to do and post them. I am asking people if they want to help me fundraise to fight breast cancer to donate $5 everytime I finish a race.

I will definetely feel nervous, but more confident at the next race, I keep thinking about where I started mid April when I could not run for 5 minutes straight.

If you think you can you will for it's all in the state of mind.
#263

Forward Progress

2009-06-17T05:47:00.000-07:00

Success!
Finally, I feel like I am making forward progress! I credit most of my success to all of the wonderful friends who have been following my progress and supporting me with kind words and helpful advice. My team mates from Team All Ears have aso been a wonderful source of support and advice. I feel very lucky to not feel isolated and alone on this tough personal journey. Thank you everone!!!

Weight Watchers was a great decision. Thank you Gael and Diane and Tara for suggesting that and inviting me to meetings. I never realized the food mistakes I was making before I started to track what I was really eating and how many points were assigned to what I was eating. I have lost 6 pounds in two weeks on weightwatchers and I have not been as faithful as I should be, so that shows that this is a good plan and it is working. What I like the most is that I can eat whatever I want, I just have to keep track and be accountable. In the past, I would think nothing of having five spoonfuls of the kids mac and cheese and then eating a full takeout dinner with Nik. Wow, what a big mistake that was!

I can feel my body changing and feel lighter in my step. I have now lost 18 pounds overall. I feel like summer is a great time to start this because of all of the fresh fruit and veggies and the accessibility to the grill.

I have also discovered baked tostitos chips, which makes me feel like I am not missing out on anything.

Exercising is going well. I am not improving as fast as I would like in my running speed and ease, but I am also taking it very slowly, so I do not injure myself. I have discovered that I love swimming, what a fantastic workout. I am in need of a road bike so that is on my list of things to acquire. I woud like to complete a mini Triathalon by the end of the summer, 1/2 mile swim, 3 mile run and 15-25 mile bike ride. I am going to run as many races as I can this summer and will work toward the Tufts 10K in the fall.

For my 1/2 marathon and training I am rasing money for the Avon Breast Cancer Foundation. Breast cancer is a serious disease that is affecting as many as 1 in 4 women. Please consider donating to this fund. If breast cancer has touched your life in any way or if you fear it might, please consider donating. I will be sending a new donation sheet out soon, but I am hoping to inspire people to donate to the breast cancer cause through my running, training and journey to become healthier.

Consider this, I am running my first 5K tonight, if I can do it, will you consider donating $5 toward fighting breast cancer?
If I can complete a triathalon would you consider donating $10?
If I lose 25 pounds, would you consider donating $5?

A very good friend of mine is battling ths disease right now and she is in my thoughts and in my heart everyday that I train. K if you are reading this, I hope you know that you are part of my inspiration.

Please Help me raise money to fight this disease. I am on a running team, you can read more about the team here. http://allears.net/pluto/teamallears.htm.

The Avon Foundation is distinguished from most other donors that fund a single institution or scientific investigator by supporting a virtual national network of research, medical, social service and community-based organizations, each of which is making a unique contribution to helping patients or advancing breast cancer research. The Avon Foundation awards funding in breast cancer screening, diagnosis, treatment, support services and scientific research, including prevention and therapeutic vaccine studies.

Checks should be made out to Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and should be mailed to:
Deb Wills, 3520 Sugarloaf Parkway, Suite F03-105, Fredrick, MD 21704 Please to be sure to write Team All Ears Amanda Gonzales on the check in the notes. If it is easier, you can give me a check and I will bulk mail them as I receive them.You can also contribute online by clicking below or visiting
http://www.avonwalk.org/goto/DebWills Please be sure to put All Ears, Amanda Gonzales after your donation.

Thanks everyone, I will keep you posted on how the 5K went! Thanks again for all of your support!

All Signs Point to 5am

2009-06-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

I love to sleep, I love to sleep as late as I can, I love the reward of a glass of wine or two at the end of a loooong day of being a mom and chauveur to four children. My husband has to leave for work at 6:15 am, grrrrrr. As the CEO of this household. Job description: Raise, love and nurture four children, teach them the self help skills and wisdom they need to make it in life and grow up to be the thoughtful, intelligent, successful, caring, polite, savy and respectful individuals that they are destined to become.

Love and support my husband and be an interesting and attractive partner.
Clean, shop, maintain a house.
Feed and cook for a family of six.
Pay the bills budget and manage the finances
Run a successful Disney travel agency business.
Take care of the two cats.
Stay in shape and eat well.
Keep in touch with friends.
Train for a 1/2 marathon, rain money for breast cancer.
Shuttle my kids, to baby playgroups, baseball, soccer, swimming, gymnastic, ballet, speech therapy, OT therapy, PT therapy, horseback riding, camps, playdates, school, homework, projects, interesting activities desiged to create geniouses.
Lead a girl scout troop of 29 girls.
Manage the needs of my autistic son, including his therapies, reading about all of the latest research, and treatments, meet periodically with his team of six doctors, individually of course
Be a caring friend, and daughter.

So I think all of that deserves a glass of wne at the end of the day. However in the midst of suceeding at all of the above, I need to fit in workouts and train and since I am not a night person, nighttime workouts are not a viable option.

ALL SIGNS POINT TO A 5am wakup for training runs four times a week. Ugh. I hate running on the treadmill, I hate running with the jogging stroller. Therefore my only window other than on weekends when my husband is not working is to wake up at 5 am and go for a run.

This honestly seems harder than all of the above, but I am committed and must do it, so I will start tomorrow or Monday whenever the alarm beeps first. Any advice on how to muster the strength to do this????

This is my next goal!

IF YOU THINK YOU DARE NOT YOU DON"T, IT's ALL IN THE STATE OFMIND, Wish me luck!

Setting Goals

2009-06-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have decided that the end of the year is much crazier than the holidays. We have been double and triple booked most days with end of the year activities and I must say it has been a struggle to squeeze in workouts. Last week was a rough week, but the good news is that I joined weight watchers, got yet another pair of new sneaker and got new inserts from align.

I am finding weight watchers easy in the day and harder at night but am not finding the time to write down everything that I eat.

I have found that goal setting is really working for me. I have a goal to run the neck without stopping, I came close this past Sunday, I was able to run up the first five inclines without stopping. I also have set a goal to be able to swim a mile freestyle. Freestyle has been very difficult for me so far. I swam 10 laps today and felt really proud. You have to believe in yourself to set a goal and accomplish it and you have to push yourself to accomplish it and most of all you have to dream to achieve your end goals and believe in yourself and your dreams

I have learned these past seven weeks that so much of this fitness training is a mental war. If you believe in yourself and set a goal and don't quit in your mind, your body will rise to the occasion and accomplish your goals. If you are negative and tell yourself you can't do that, you will quit.

It reminds me of one of my fave Mark Twain poems

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but don’t think you can,
It’s almost certain you won’t
If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost
For out in the world you’ll find Success begins with a fellows will;
It’s all in a state of mind
For many a game is lost,
Before even a play is run,And many a coward fails
Before even his work has begun
Think big and your deeds will grow;
Think small and you’ll fall behind Think that you can and you will;
It’s all in a state of mind
Life’s battles don’t always go To the stronger or faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins Is the fellow who thinks he can!

Getting Back in to it

2009-05-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

Three weeks ago, I had a severe case of shin splints. The pain was so intense that I could barely walk. I iced, I swam and water jogged, I invested in new sneakers and went to Disney World; where magical pixie dust healed them. Ok, it is kind of scary that I do believe that could happen, anyway, back to my story.

I guess I have to say that I did not do any traditional workouts for those eight magical days. However, I did walk for about 6-8 hours everyday while pushing between 20-70 pounds of children in strollers at any moment. I think that might count as logging some walking workouts.

The good news is that by midweek, my shins were back to normal. We arrived back home last Saturday and I did not get any workouts in until today due to getting the household back into shape.

This morning I awoke to an organized house and felt overwhelmed with anxiety about getting back into it. Had I been bad by going away and not working out? Will I be able to pick up where I left off? Well, where I left off was not really that impressive. I decided to ease back into the workouts today with a swim/water jog. It was raining so I could not run outsie. I put poor Amelia in the torture room at the Y, oops I meant babysitting room where she proceded to cry for an hour. No guilt, no gain, I mean no pain no gain right?

I had a great swim, swam for an hour, 40 laps of breast stroke, 6 of kickboarding, 6 of water jogging. Not huge numbers to put up in an hour, but I feel good.

Tomorrow morning I am going to attept a longer jog/walk. I am looking to do two 5Ks by the end of June and drop ten more pounds by the end of June. I am thinking of joining weight watchers although I barely have time to work out not sure how I will fit that in with four kids home from school in 22 days. I am nervous about running tomorrow, but excited too.

I am very thankful to be on an amazing running team that has been a wonderful source of support and knowledge and am more dedicated than ever to completing this 1/2 marathon and raising money for breast cancer.

Please share you advice, tips and support. I am especially interested in fundraising tips and ideas. Feel free to share my blog with family and friends who have been touchd by breast cancer or are taking on a body improvement project themselves.

Raising Money for Breast Cancer

2009-05-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

May 5, 2009
Dear Friends,
I have decided to run the Disney World ½ marathon. Yes, I mean 13 miles! The ½ marathon is in Walt Disney World on January 9, 2010. I am motivated to run because it has always been one of my goals to run a ½ marathon and also because I want to become healthy and fit again. With my run, I will be raising money to support the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. Cancer has always been a nightmare looming over my life like a dark cloud. My father passed away of cancer at age 54 and this year, two young women in my daughter’s Kindergarten class have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I have joined a Training team. You can read more about the team at: http://allears.net/pluto/teamallears.htm. Please read my blog to follow my training progress at http://heffalumptopixie.blogspot.com/
The Avon Foundation is distinguished from most other donors that fund a single institution or scientific investigator by supporting a virtual national network of research, medical, social service and community-based organizations, each of which is making a unique contribution to helping patients or advancing breast cancer research. The Avon Foundation awards funding in breast cancer screening, diagnosis, treatment, support services and scientific research, including prevention and therapeutic vaccine studies.
Checks should be made out to Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and should be mailed to:
Deb Wills, 3520 Sugarloaf Parkway, Suite F03-105, Fredrick, MD 21704 Please to be sure to write Team All Ears Amanda Gonzales on the check in the notes. If it is easier, you can give me a check and I will bulk mail them as I receive them.You can also contribute online by clicking below or visiting
http://www.avonwalk.org/goto/DebWills
Please be sure to put All Ears, A Gonzales after your donation. I understand that we are all suffering through a tough economy. Every donation makes an impact. Please consider donating $5, $10, $15, $20 or more.
Thank you for your support!
Amanda Gonzales

Frustrating Setback

2009-05-10T04:35:00.000-07:00

Shin Splints! Ouch and Ugh! I am so frustrated. I know I have been going all out training it is a major flaw of my personality to go all out into something pushing myself to the limit. I think I hurt my shins by increasing my mileage to quickly. Perhaps it was not so wise to jog for an hour on Friday. I feel like I am again waging a war between my heart and my body. My heart tells me it is ok to jog for an hour and my body is crumbling.

I have stabbing pains in my shins when I stand, when I walk, when I sit, it kills! I was supposed to run in a 5K today and as much as I want to do that, I do not want to further injure myself. I will continue icing and look into new sneakers and hopefully squeeze in a swim today. I have to slow down.

I am going to buy the Jeff Galloway book and start slow this week limiting myself to only two mile runs this week and hopefully with new shoes my legs can recover and be ok.

Happy Mothers Day!

It Takes a Village to make a Pixie

2009-05-08T07:24:00.000-07:00

I have come to the realization that it is easier to carry a baby for 9 months, go through the pain of delivery and the ensuing 12 months of little sleep than to get your body back into shape. Now granted, I am many pounds overweight and have not seriously and consistently exercised in about 13 years now, so I am coming from below rock bottom. However, you can't quit the pregnancy, if you are sick or in pain or uncomfortable you can't make it stop. However, when you are on a jog/hobble and every muscle in your legs feel like they are going to tear while they are also cramping and your stomach is upset and you are trying to push a jogging stroller up an incline, you can just stop. It is motivation to make me never fall out of this habit of exercising again. I do not want to ever have to feel the pain I have felt both physically and emotionally over the past three weeks again.

What has been helping me to get through these past few weeks is the support and caring comments from friends in the community both online and in my towm. Thank you everyone for your kind words, your encouragement, sharing your stories and tips and offering to help. It means so much to me. I am putting myself and my story out there in public to make myself accountable for my actions. I have tried hiding, trying to be invisible, feeling sad about my state of blobness for so long and realized that I am only hurting myself that way. I have never been a private person so I decided to make my personal battle public. So please help me!

If you see me running , toot your horn and say hi, it will help me push through. If you see me at the gym, say hi. If you have any good workout music to share, please let me know. If you have any diet tips or are going to a weight watchers meeting, let me know. The more support I have, the more motivated I will be.

I will be running those 12 miles in January for myself, but also for all the people whose lives have been impacted in some way by breast cancer. I am rasing money for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. Please share my blog with any friends and/or family who might appreciate this cause.

IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO MAKE A PIXIE AND TO FIGHT CANCER!

A Fleeting Thought of Quitting

2009-05-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

So, this morning I repeated the same routine I have for the past three days. I convinced myself the night before that I would be setting the alarm for 5am and jumping out of bed and either heading to the gym for a swim or to the roads for a run. I have been alternating running every other day and swimming. Every morning I hear the alarm and fumble for the snooze and continue to hit snooze in a semi conscious state until 6:30am when my husband laughs at me as I make the joke that I actually went for a run at 3am and that I am now just waking up after sneaking back into bed at 4:30am, but forgot to turn off the alarm. I apparently have a hard time waking up at 5am to go to work out. The result of this is that my morning gets shot as I work out after school dropoff and have to torture my youngest in the Y babysitting room while I deal with that guilt throughout my workout. Then I am recovering and stretching while the baby naps until preschool pickup.

This morning I decided to step on the scale, it has been almost a week since I did this and surely I have lost another 10 pounds by now. I have been exercising every day for 30-60 minutes. I have been vigilant about my diet and have avoided excess sweets and Excess alcohol. What drinks do skinny peaople drink anyway? I have eaten nothing fried and not induldged in anything white or containing too many carbs. I have worked hard!! I step on the scale and immediately step off and back on again. This cannot be right, no way. Then I begin to scream at my scale WHAT THE ^$%*&&*)(_(*)(*&!!!!!!! I HAVE NOT LOST ONE EXTRA POUND!!!!!!!!

How can this be possible, what have I been killing myself for????? At that moment I could almost smell an extra cheese and large peperoni pizza and a bottle of wine. Why am I doing this if my body is just goingto be fat forever. I thought everyone told me eat less and move more and the pounds will come off. I FELT LIKE QUITTING.

I regathered myslf and reminded myself of how good my heart has been feeling and how much clearer my skin looks and of the committment I had made and reminded myself that this is a challenge that I cannot and will not fail at. This is important, vital to my future health and ability to be there for my children as they travel their journey through life.

I went to the gym after dropoff, dropped the baby in the dreaded sitting room, went upstairs and ran the best two miles I have run yet. It felt good. It felt triumphant. Hopefully those pounds will start falling off soon, but I feel like I overcame a demon today and dug dowm deep and found the courage to keep going.

Maybe I just need a new scale???????

Teaching an Old Dog New Trick

2009-05-04T08:29:00.000-07:00

I have discovered that even at the age of 36 which people still seem to deem "young", it is very hard to break old habits. I started on the journey to a better, stronger, healthier me about fourth months ago, when after 20 years of being a diet coke addict, I quit. Cold turkey, just said goodbye the delicious fizz and the phenaphylanines. It was hard for a few weeks and found I had to check myself often as it came naturally without thinking to order a diet coke since I have been ordering DC for so many years. However, I did it and now I drink a cup or two of coffee every morning to wake up.

Now I am breaking the habit of not making exercise a priority and it has been two weeks and a lot of work, but I am enjoying it. I wonder if I will ever walk again rather than hobble, but if hobbling will make me healthier, then I am ok with that. It is a challenge to fit it into the daily rat race, but I am making it work so far.

Now, two weeks into the exercise rehab, I am tackling the eating. This I find is the hardest of all. It is hard work and expensive and exhausting to be a Mommy to four young children and a wife and a CEO of the corporation that is our household. Finding the time to plan meals, cook them and stock the fridge with healthy food and snacks seems like mission impossible.

I had sort of hoped that once I started exercising the pounds would just fall off on their own and that I could still eat and drink in the same style I had always before. However, this is not happening. I spent a day wondering if maybe my mind can be taught new tricks, but not my body, maybe my body just likes being overweight and wants to be a heffalump.

NO! My Mind and body want to be a pixie. I am starting a war with my body and I intend on teaching this old dog a new trick.

This is a hard battle, but I know if I try hard enough, I can suceed, so bring on the battle body.

A Day Off

2009-05-01T16:41:00.000-07:00

I awoke this morning with the hope that I would not hobble, I would stand tall and walk, strut actually, the newer, leaner, buffer me. Well, I awoke in the same fashion I do every morning with DD6 snuggling up next to me chatting about fashion and clothes. Where did she come from? I am the queen of all tomboys, the clueless one with no fashion sense. I am convinced that she will be working for Vogue by age 22, anyhoo. I stood up after the request for syrup with a tad bit of waffles and hobbled. I was also exhausted since DH38 was out till 1am watching the Celtics lose and I could not fall asleep until I knew he was home safe and sound proteced from the Marbehead wildlife.

So, here I am at 6am, hobbling to the kitchen with the hopes I will in fact make it a consecutive 6th day of workouts and core upper and lower body and swim till I feel I wll drown. When three cups of coffee did not work, I decided to take a DAY OFF. Now here I am at 7:4o pm still hobbling. Guilty. Is it ok to take a day off.? MyDH38 gets home tomorrow at 8ish am. Soccer starts at 8:30am and the sports marathon should end by 4, but I aim to be running by 9am. Let's see how long I can last until I have another day off. I really want to succeed, but I am told muscles need to rest.

I think it is good that I am anxious to get running again. Can't wait till 9am. Burning some new cds onto my shuffle tonight and need a super duper do it all runners watch.

Hitting the Wall

2009-04-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

The past eight years have been a whirlwind of time for me consisting mainly of pregnancy, nursing, sleepless nights, changing diapers, and agonizing decisions of parenthood. I find myself at age 36 incredibly out of shape and many pounds overweight.

There are the upsides, I have four beautiful children; Dear Son 7 who has autism, a topic for another post, Dear Daughter 6, a slave to fashion, Dear Daughter 4, a princess and Dear Daughter 1 well, trouble.

They bring joy to my life every minute of everyday. I love nurturing their needs and helping to shape them into thoughtful, caring, imaginative and intelligent individuals. Then there are the downsides, in the past eight years, my body has been put to the test; ripped apart by four pregnancies, four bouts of nursing and a general lack of overall care and attention. I stopped looking in the mirror about three years ago and refuse to be in any pictures. I still was wearing pregnancy size clothing and stopped being able to fit into my husbands clothing about three years ago.

On April 20, I looked in the mirror and sobbed. That was not me staring back. Who was that Heffalump I was looking at? I was always a pixie. A field hockey and lacrosse player, a coach, a runner, a gregarious, athletic, fun person. I hit the wall and decided to take action.

Everything Disney has always motovated me, so I started searching for a challenge and I found the Disney 1/2 marathon. I used to be an avid runner, that was my euphoric release from life's challenges. Without hesitation, I registered and enrolled in a team for support and guidance and began my Journey from Heffalump to Pixie Hollow.

I am on day 10 of this journey and have lost 10 pounds so far, many to go, and have been starting the slow and painful hobble back to fitness. I know it will not be easy and there will be many challenges, but I am committed to doing this I am inspired by all who have fought their battles with breast cancer and other forms of cancer and know that if they can take on that battle, I can take on my own battle and decrease my chances of cancer knocking on my door in the future. Come and follow me in my journey. I am raising money for breast cancer with my run in the 1/2 marathon.